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3 Things You Can Do Today To Build Your Confidence

Today’s episode of the podcast is a solo episode where I am sharing with you the 3 easy things that you can do today to boost your confidence.

These steps will help you stop doubting yourself, go after big opportunities, and make your dream life and business a reality.

 

KEY TAKEAWAYS COVERED IN THE PODCAST

  1. The importance of self-integrity in confidence
  2. How to build confidence through small steps and self-compassion
  3. Practical actions to take to become more confident

 

If you enjoyed this episode then please feel free to go and share it on your social media or head over to Apple podcasts or Spotify and give me a review, I would be so very grateful.

 

LINKS TO RESOURCES MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE

Join me at my Atomicon ‘Build Your Confidence and Become Unstoppable' workshop

Connect with Teresa on Instagram, LinkedIn or Facebook

 

Transcript

What would you do and how would your business look if you had buckets of confidence? If you could go into every task, every launch, every promotion, every anything, speaking on stages, doing podcast interviews, putting yourself forward, with the utmost of confidence, how could your life change? In today's episode, I'm going to be sharing with you exactly how to do that, how you can build your confidence muscle.

So that you are no longer held back by self doubt and you don't let those things get in your way. I'm going to be sharing with you three things that you can start to do today to build your self confidence.

Hello, and welcome to this week's episode of Your Dream Business Podcast. How are you doing? If you are new to the podcast, thank you so much for listening. And if you are a returning listener, thank you so much for coming back.

Today I want to talk to you about confidence. It's something that I'm actually doing a presentation on very soon. I'm doing a bit of a workshop on it, and it's something that comes up a lot in everything we do. You see, when I started my business, I knew how to do marketing. That was my thing. I had been to university.

I've got a degree in it. I had worked in lots of businesses. I had marketed almost every possible type of industry you can imagine. And then I started helping small business owners. And I really quickly realized that without some of the mindset tools in place and one of them being confidence. We could have the best strategies in the world.

And at the point I'm recording this, I'm actually doing this for me as much as you lot, because there are points in my business and things that I do where I need more confidence. And you might look at that and think, that seems crazy. You have loads of confidence. You do things that take a lot of confidence, like speaking on stages, putting the podcast out.

putting yourself out there, but it doesn't mean that it's always fine and I'm always confident. But when we have confidence, it is honestly the game changer, because when we let not having confidence stop us, we've got nowhere to go with that. And if we can just have a bit of confidence to go out and do a thing, We can achieve amazing things.

We can earn more money. We can launch the service that we want or the business that we want. We will be more successful. There's no doubt about it. We will put ourselves out there and we can honestly achieve amazing things. If you want to be more confident, or maybe, you know, one of your business friends that actually would benefit from listening to this, I think I would love you to go and share it with them.

Obviously listen first, but make sure you share this episode with them after you've listened, because I think we could all do with some more confidence in our life. So let's talk about confidence. What even is confidence? Confidence often comes down to believing in ourselves, believing that we can do something.

And I think a lot of us think that we should just have it, or it should just come, or maybe it's something you're born with and You're just either confident or you're not. And that is not the case at all. Confidence, like most mindset things, is a muscle that you need to work on and that you need to improve over time.

Confidence can often come down to keeping promises that we make with ourselves and self integrity, which might feel like, okay, you've gone on a bit of a curve ball there, Teresa, but seriously, imagine if you are making some promises to yourself and you say, I'm going to do this today, or I'm going to show up this way and you don't.

That can remove your own self confidence because having the confidence to do something that you set yourself or something that you want to do should be a given. But when we're not doing that and lots of us don't do it and I don't do it, you know, that that self integrity piece Every bit of mindset thing that I do, so many times it comes back to the self integrity, so many times it comes back to, if we can't make and keep promises to ourself, then we're kind of really messing up other things.

So for me, confidence, one part of confidence is Do we keep the promises that we make to ourselves and do we have a level of self integrity? So that's the first thing I want you to think about. When did you last make a promise to yourself and break it? Or when did you last make a promise to yourself and keep it?

And I think I just wanted to kind of slot this in as a bit of a side because although it is connected to confidence, it's not the main area I want to focus on. However, the self integrity piece is so important. Also the other thing that comes in to this whole confidence conversation is the growth mindset versus a fixed mindset.

If you don't believe you can change, if you don't believe that you can improve something, i. e. your confidence, then your brain is going to prove you right. So if you sit there and think, I'll never be confident at this, you will never be confident at it. So that's another thing I want you to think about just as we get into this confidence conversation, how much are you telling yourself and your brain, I can't do this, I'll never have that confidence, I will never be confident enough to do this.

Because the more you keep telling yourself, the more your brain will keep proving you right. So you really need to think about on the very kind of base level of, how can I start to believe that I can be confident or become more confident? Okay, so you might sit there and think, this is easy for you to say, Teresa, you are super confident and everything you probably do now, you don't get nervous about.

That is not the case at all. So first off, I was never like this, like, as I started my business, this was not something that I did. For those of you who know my story, how I started my business, I was very much back up against a wall, had to make some money and I started my business. So it wasn't, there was confidence wasn't even in it at that point.

It was literally a case of, I needed to earn money and survive. However, as I started to put myself out there, that's when the confidence thing started to really play a role in my business and who I was. So just to make you feel a bit happier, if you're sat here thinking, I don't have confidence, or I don't have the confidence you have, Teresa, I want to tell you of a couple of instances when I first started my business.

I remember going to a networking event. It was an all female networking event, and we had to do the 60 second thing. We had to go round the tables. And I, remember sitting there feeling physically sick at the thought of what I was going to say. And actually, I don't know why I'm laughing because it wasn't funny at the time, but I ended up saying something really stupid and didn't come across very well because I was so scared.

Then my very first speaking gig in the States, I was over in Minneapolis. I spoke for Leadpages and there's Speaker before me who was Pat Flynn. And I used to get this thing every time I had something big and important in my world, like a speaking gig, I'd get a sore throat really random. And I'll, you know, could talk about that separately on another time, but I used to get a sore throat.

So I'm running up to doing the speaking gig. I was out there a couple of nights before, and I started getting a sore throat and my throat was really, like my voice didn't sound great. And the morning of the speaking gig. And I'd prepared and I'd worked really hard at it and I'd spoken other places, but nothing as big as this, the morning of the speaking gig, I do a call with my husband on FaceTime or whatever.

And also with my assistant who was back in the UK and both of them separately were freaking out on my behalf because I was freaking out. Like. They genuinely thought it was going to be a disaster. They actually thought I would fall apart or not even get on the stage or it would just go terribly because I was absolutely freaking out.

Like, I don't think I've ever been so scared, ever been so nervous, ever thought I was going to mess something up so royally. Now, just to let you know, up until the point of getting on stage, I genuinely thought I was going to pee my pants. I actually said to, we had a concierge that looked after us, which was amazing.

It was an amazing event. And I actually said to the guy who was looking after me, what if I get on stage and I pee my pants? Like, this is when you're so nervous, just any old rubbish is coming out of your mouth. And he was really sweet, and he was like, well, I guess that's never been done before. And we just kind of laughed about it.

But I genuinely thought I was gonna get on stage and die because it was so terrifying. There was no confidence in there whatsoever. So, when I sit and talk to you about this stuff, this is not coming from a place of, I've got it all sussed, I know what I'm doing, I'm super confident. I have had to work at this as much as anyone else has had to work at it.

And over time, it has increased. And yes, I don't feel like that now. I still get nervous when I speak on stage. And I am very grateful of that because I know I care about it. If I didn't get nervous, if I was so confident that I would just get on stage and it'd be amazing and I don't have to try and I don't have to be nervous, then that falls into arrogance and I don't ever want to be like that.

I still want to be nervous. I still want an element of, I want to do a good job. However, I am confident that I will do my best at doing a good job. So even though the confidence is different, it's not that I'm, don't have confidence. I do have confidence that I'm a good speaker and will do a good job.

However, I'm still nervous that I want to do a good job. Okay. So how do we build this confidence? How do you, if you're sat there listening to this going, yes, Teresa, but I want to start that thing and I'm terrified to do it. I want to, Apply for something. And I'm really scared. How do we actually go ahead and do it?

So one of the first things that we need to not do before we get into the steps of what we can do is we can't rely on others to build our confidence for us. So often this comes a lot when we talk about how successful you think you are, or how good at something you think you are, this often can come down to when someone buys from you, when someone says you're good, when someone does something, you then feel good about it, you then feel confident, you then feel I've got a good product because someone else has said it, or I'm really good at what I do because someone else has said it.

We can't rely on that. Not at all. Because as you well know, if you've been in business for a while, you are not for everyone. And I am not for everyone. And that is okay. So someone is going to look at you and what you do and go, no, I don't like it.

And I think you're terrible. They probably need to do some work on themselves if they're going to say that. But. You can't control what other people are going to say and do. So if you are relying on others for your self confidence, for you to be able to put yourself out there, that is not a great place to start.

So this has got to be something we do inside. This is something we've got to have internally that is not affected by external stuff. Now don't get me wrong. I flipping love it when people tell me they liked my talk or they thought the training I did was brilliant, or they love the podcast. Please come and tell me you love the podcast because I do genuinely love it.

And when you're sat in your office, just talking to yourself, sometimes, you know, it can feel like you're talking to a void. So we love that. And that's awesome. However, if no one came and did that, am I confident that I still do a good job? Yes, I am. If someone came to me and said, I thought your podcast is awful.

Would that then make me lose my confidence? No, it wouldn't. Because all I would think is you're not for me and I'm not for you. And that's okay. There's lots of other podcasts out there. So it's very much about having that confidence internally that, you know, no matter what anybody else says, that actually you will still be fine and still carry on, whether that thing is a good thing or a bad thing.

Okay. So how are we going to become more confident? First thing I want you to try and make 1 percent changes. Often when we do something, we think it needs to be radical. We think that, you know, becoming confident means going from zero to a hundred. And that might not be possible. Now, if it is brilliant, do it.

Let's give it a go. However, for lots of us and for lots of people, that is not possible. You can't just go, I've got no confidence. I'm going to do it. So where can we make the1 percent changes? And if you've been a listener to the podcast, you know, I talk about 1 percent changes a lot with everything. Because Often, when we set ourselves a goal, either to be more confident, to have more integrity, to sell more, to get more people on our email list, and we say, okay, we're at zero today and I want to be at a hundred tomorrow.

Sometimes that is really hard to get. And sometimes that isn't always down to us. Sometimes, you know, that's not always something that we can control, especially when it's a goal or something like that. But what we can control is the 1 percent shifts. And often what happens is. If we set ourself a massive task, so let's say, and this is always such a really good, easy example, but it is a bit flippant, but the whole diet thing is such a great example because it's like day zero, you're terrible.

And you're eating the worst of the worst and your diet's dreadful. And you say, tomorrow, I'm going to be perfect. And tomorrow you try and be perfect. and it's impossible, and your jump from zero to a hundred, and therefore you don't do it, and therefore you beat yourself up and think, well, I can't do it, and I'm rubbish, and I'm awful.

Which sets you back even further than you've started already. So, it almost takes you to like minus ten, and then the next time you try and do it, you might, you know, Push yourself back even further. I hope all this is making sense. So taking 1 percent shifts is a really good way to strengthen any muscle.

So if you want to become more confident about doing something, if you want to speak on a big stage, a 1 percent shift might be to See if you can do a training with a few of your friends or a 1 percent shift might be doing that 60 seconds at a networking event and doing it until you feel good and not like you're going to vomit on the table.

The 1 percent shifts are easy because they're smaller things for you to do. And what happens is when you set that 1 percent and you do it. Your brain goes, look at that, we did it. We're ace. It doesn't matter that it was only 1%. It's just cheering the fact of, well done, you did it. It doesn't know really the difference, and I'm just making this bit up.

I don't have any science to prove it, but it doesn't really know the difference between like this massive goal and the little goal. You either achieve it or you don't. So if you don't achieve it, you end up sometimes beating yourself up. And if you do achieve it, high five yourself. So those 1 percent shifts are really, really important.

And that brings me to two other things that are attached to that. So the first thing is, you need to practice self compassion. So this is kind of like, if that was, you know, tip one, this is tip 1.A. Okay. So you need to practice that self compassion because What happens is, like I said, when you try and do something and you don't do it, or it doesn't happen the way you want it to happen, you can beat yourself up.

And I've said before on the podcast many times about being the scientist, not the judge. So often when we try and do something and we fall on our face, because we will lots of times, and if we're not doing it, we're probably not trying hard enough, then If you do that and you fall on your face and it doesn't work and the judge comes out and goes, well I knew it wouldn't work because you are rubbish and no one wants to buy your thing because you're terrible and it's not going to happen and that dream of you having XYZ is just merely dream and it's never going to come to fruition and you're going to embarrass yourself and it's going to be terrible.

Our brain is so very cruel. So when we let the judge kick in and say those things to us, what does that do for our confidence and our self confidence? literally puts it on the floor. When we practice self compassion, when we practice being kind to ourselves, which honestly, again, there are certain themes that run through everything mindset that I talk about, self integrity and self compassion are so important.

But when we practice that self compassion and we become a scientist and not the judge, so the scientist would go, Okay, that was interesting. And sometimes I say, in fact, I was talking to Louise, who helps me stay accountable. And she basically keeps me on track and make sure I get to get all my work done.

She, I was talking to her and I was saying something, I was like, Hmm, that's interesting. And she's like, I know you don't feel what you're saying. And I'm like, no, I don't always, sometimes I do feel like, Oh, that's so annoying. However, turning the, that's so frustrating, so annoying into that's interesting, really helps because then you start questioning and going, okay, well, that was interesting that that happened.

Why might that be? And then you can have some self compassion for yourself. Okay. Well, you've never done that thing before. That was the first time. So who says you were going to be perfect at it? And actually. Yeah. You know, maybe it wasn't the right time or maybe it wasn't the right thing and maybe we could try something different.

So that self compassion bit with those 1 percent changes is super, super important. Part B of one, step one is celebrating those wins. Because what happens in our world so often is we go through our, you know, tasks and we go through our goals and we do these 1 percent shifts and we move forward and we don't see the move we're making.

I'm reading a book at the moment. And when I say reading, I mean, listening called the gap in the game. And it was actually recommended to me by Amy. And it's really, really interesting because often as business owners, we look in the gap. So let's say you're going to do a launch and you set yourself 10 people to sign up for your thing and you get eight.

What is the first thing you do? You go, I didn't get 10. I'm two down. And the problem is. We're not looking at the gain. We're not looking at, I got eight. I have none and I'm at eight. How amazing. We're looking at, I didn't hit my goal. I'm therefore not successful. So that alongside celebrating those little wins so that that muscle gate keeps building is so important.

So every time you set yourself a 1 percent shift, every time you set yourself a little task and you achieve it, you high five it, you celebrate, you do whatever it is you want to do, but make sure You look at that win and make sure you acknowledge it somehow, because otherwise it will drift by and you will forget that you did it.

And therefore you will constantly sit in that gap of, well, yeah, but I didn't do that. And yeah, well, that didn't happen. And yeah, well, that thing wasn't what I wanted it to be. So like I said, first one is start making those small changes, break those goals down into small steps, but in doing that practice self compassion and celebrate those wins.

Okay. Tip number two. Be the person you want to become. Think about it as having an alter ego or having a what would such and such do? So is there someone that you look up to or you inspire to be like? Is there someone that is already doing the thing that you want to do and you think If I could just be like them, that would be amazing.

That's the alter ego you're trying to fix. That's the kind of, or you're trying to get your head around. That's the person you're thinking, what would X do? So what would, I don't know, just make things up, but like Beyonce do, what would, Someone else do like, who is it in your world? Beyonce obviously is not in my world.

And she's, I mean, I look up to her and she's very talented, but I don't want to be a singer. So obviously someone in your industry would be really helpful. What would they do? The other thing that you can do is you can look at yourself in the future and imagine your future self. So imagine the person that you want to become, the person who isn't scared of doing these things, the person who puts themselves out there, who isn't afraid to fail, who is willing to pick themselves up when things go wrong, the person who you think will be different in the future, because we do.

And then start to imagine that what would future Teresa do? What would future your name do? And what can we learn from that? And how can we go forward? Now, another way to put this is sometimes, and I did this exercise with the club members, a little while back. We do mindset exercises every month. So we work on these things all the time.

And this honestly is one of the biggest differences that I can make with people in the club. But also probably one of the best things about the club is these mindset sessions and that we get to work on these and we work with them in small groups so that I can actually have conversations with people and go, what did you have for that?

And how can we work through that? So then we did this in the group. And one of the things I said to them was, is there an obstacle that you can identify that is holding you back from being confident? And the example that I gave, which actually isn't something that I struggle with now, but probably definitely was in the early days, was Have you ever said to yourself, when I'm thin, I will, or, and I had this conversation.

Someone came on one of the coaching calls and it was something completely unrelated. I can't remember how it came up, but she said, when I'm thin, I'll, I'll treat myself to some nice clothes. And I'm like, so you're going to wear absolute trash clothes until then. Like why? So is there something, is there an obstacle of some sort that is holding you back?

And then. So let's go with the thin one. Let's go with the, and I gave the example of when I'm thin, I'll speak on stages. When I'm thin, I'll have confidence to stand on a stage and talk. Okay. So what would Teresa, if she's thin, do? Well, she would just apply to speak on those stages. She would just speak on those stages.

And can I act as if I'm already there? Because the truth is, That physical thing, and this happens in so many places, we think when I earn X, I'll be different. When I have a team, I'll be different. When I'm thinner, I'll be different. It's not the case, because the thing is inside us. You know, confidence isn't attached to that one particular thing.

Yes, Okay, it might help a little bit, but if we're not confident, if we haven't got those kind of muscles that we've built inside us. It doesn't matter because then I'll say something else. Then it might be, well, I'm a bit too old or I don't know, my business isn't as big as their business. There's always going to be something.

So can we identify that obstacle, say to ourselves, can we act as if we're already there? So this is a great example of this happening in, in kind of real time. So I was working with a client, one to one client. I do one to one work, not a huge amount of it, but I do some one to one work and I was helping them launch a service
.

They were doing a small group service and this group service was 4, 000 each and they wanted 10 people on their their signup, their first launch. And for lots of reasons, which I won't go into cause I haven't got time, but lots of reasons, this person wasn't very confident about doing the launch, even though they were confident about the product.

They were confident about their skills and they were confident about the outcomes that they could give. They weren't confident about selling and they weren't confident that they were going to fill it. And this massive self doubt came in. And obviously, cause we worked one to one, I was able to work with them and get to the root of all these things.

But one of the things that we did was we talked about acting as if, so this person had already sold two of the 10 places. And they were starting to freak out. I'm never going to sell the rest. I'm only going to sell two. And what happens when we get to that is we start to then, well, we start to make rash and silly decisions.

Like I'm just going to count, I'll pull it, I'll refund those people. I'm, it's not going to work. And, and what I was able to do was slow them down. And talk about what if you only had two places left to fill, how would you be showing up then? And they had got about another week and a half to go in terms of the cart being open.

How would you show up then? How would you show up if you only had two places to fill? And we talked about how differently you would show up if that was the case, how confident you would show up because you'd only got two places left to fill and they would definitely fill because you'd sold eight already.

you would show up so very differently. So with that and some strategy, so I was able to kind of go, okay, do this thing, this thing, this thing, this thing. But with that confidence behind it, because if the confidence wasn't there, I could have given them the best strategies in the world. It wouldn't have worked.

We worked on the confidence. We did as if they closed the doors with 12 people, like, They made, they had a five figure launch, 12 people joined at 4,000 each person and two people in, they were ready to throw the towel in. And the main thing that changed was the work we did on their confidence and acting as if, and then adding all those strategy elements in as well, which even if I told them what strategy elements to do and they didn't have the confidence, they still wouldn't have ended up on 12 people.

So that is such a good example of acting as if. On to tip number three. Tip number three is fairly simple, maybe a little bit obvious, but it's a really important one to say. It's all about preparation. Okay. If you are not confident about something. You want to prepare so much, that is going to help your confidence by being able to prepare more and practice more.

So if you are nervous about going live, then maybe make a plan for yourself for that live, have a practice with someone else, do a private live with someone, pretend that you're live. The more you can practice and the more you can prepare, the more that you can sideline. If that's the right word, some of those fears, because one of the things that means we're not confident is what our brain is telling us might go wrong.

So the confidence, the ability to have confidence, I guess is weighed up with the amount of absolute rubbish that your brain is telling you. So the less your brain is telling you rubbish, the more confidence you can have. So if your brain is going, you're going to get on, you won't know what to say on a live and you think, okay, well, I'm going to prepare and I'm going to make some questions in case no one comes on, or I am going to not, well, I say not script you do what you want.

I couldn't script that would not make me like that would not work for me at all. But I am going to do X, Y, Z, which will mean I'm not stuttering and don't know what to say. Also, if I do do that, I'm going to be compassionate with myself and go, I'm a human and humans aren't robots and aren't perfect. I'm going to practice with someone else.

I'm going to have a call with the person I'm interviewing on the live so that we can come up with some kind of questions and get really confident in the conversation and where it's going to go. So the more that you can practice and prepare, the more confident you are going to be able to feel. As time's gone on with the speaking thing, especially I prepare less and less and less, or I practice less and less and less.

And sometimes personally, at this point, if I try and do anything too polished, I find that is when I don't do so brilliantly. However, one thing I have noticed with the podcast actually, and lots of other things is I am not Preparing as well as I should do in some places and or not, not, I'm not preparing as well as I should do, but actually what I deliver would be so much better if I took a bit more time to practice and prepare.

So even though I'm confident I can turn on the mic and start talking to you, having some things in front of me makes a better podcast, which makes me more confident about promoting that podcast. So that's the third one. If you are struggling to feel confident, whatever the thing is that you are trying to get the confidence to do, feel prepared and practice, put more time and effort into that.

And then that will start to take away some of those worries and beliefs that your brain is telling you as to why you're not going to be very confident at it. But like I said, the main thing is this is something you practice over time. This is something that builds over time. And the other thing I want to tell you is it never gets to a point when you are confident about everything.

Never, never, ever. Like all of these things, which is so frustrating. I move through them so much quicker. I'm able to talk myself through some of these things much faster than I ever was, but it doesn't stop them from coming, coming in the first place. So like I said, as I record this, the thing that I'm going on to do next, I'm not feeling very confident about, which might be the reason I chose to record this first.

Maybe it's a bit of procrastination, but I'm able to say, okay, let's do it anyway. I'm able to talk through the, what if it goes wrong and turn that to what if it goes right? What if I went all out? What if I put myself out there? What if I tried super hard? What if it turned out perfectly? What would it look like then?

And if it doesn't turn out perfectly, what can I learn from it? Honestly, I have been interviewing so many people for the podcast. I've interviewed so, so many people and some of the most successful business owners that I have interviewed have an unwavering belief in themselves. They are confident that they are trying to do the right and best thing and therefore that allows them to put themselves out there.

They are confident that they are trying to provide a good service. So even if you don't think you are confident, I want you to think about, actually, I am confident that I have the intention to be a great speaker. I am confident that I have the intention to provide a brilliant service. So even if the intention's there, that is enough.

But if none of that helps, you can always come back to what I say when I am nervous to do something or I don't have confidence. I ask myself these two questions and they are very personal to me and might not resonate with you. But the two things that could really ruin my life right now is if I died or got pregnant.

I am like 45 and have grown up teenage child and stepchildren. I do not want a baby and I definitely don't want to die. So I say to myself, will doing this thing kill me or get me pregnant? If the answer's no, then maybe I should just do it. I really hope you enjoyed today's episode. I really hope that if there is someone in your world that you think could benefit from this, then please do go and share it with them.

And also I would love you to share it on social and tag me in and tell me what you thought. I really genuinely love hearing from you guys. Love hearing what you thought of these episodes. And if I can be so forward as to say, if you've not yet done me a review on Spotify or Apple, I would appreciate that so very much.

Those five star reviews make my world. Okay, have a wonderful rest of your week and I will see you soon.