Today’s episode of the podcast is an interview with Fifi Mason, where we are talking all about what self-silencing is and how it can impact you in business
In this episode, Fifi shares some amazing insights into the reasons you might be self-silencing, as well as her top tips to move past self-silencing, so that you can show up for those you want to serve.
Fifi Mason is a Personal Brand & Visibility Coach, her mission and purpose is to help individuals with quieter voices show up authentically, amplify their impact and create the change they wish to see in the world.
KEY TAKEAWAYS COVERED IN THE PODCAST
- Reasons you might be self silencing and the impact it has on your business
- Practical ways to overcome self silencing
- The mindset shift that takes you from self doubt to serving your audience
If you enjoyed this episode then please feel free to go and share it on your social media or head over to iTunes and give me a review, I would be so very grateful.
LINKS TO RESOURCES MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE
Teresa: Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Dream Business Podcast. How are you doing? So we have another interview this week, which I am really looking forward to, for lots of reasons. I very much admire this woman. One of the main reasons is because she's put on one of the best summits I've ever been to as a speaker.
And it's almost like. She quietly just gets on with things and they are all amazing, which is awesome. I love it. So this week we have the very lovely Fifi Mason. She is a personal brand and visibility coach and her mission and purpose is to help. I knew I'd get that messed up. I do this all the time, people, you know, I don't like reading.
I shouldn't read on the podcast. So I will just go back because whenever I read a bio, I hate it. You know, that someone was talking to me just as like digression the other day about they're getting a new teleprompter. And I was like, could you even imagine if I had to read a teleprompter? I'd be a nightmare.
So. I'm going to start again. Fifi Mason is a personal brand and visibility coach. Her mission and purpose is to help individuals with quieter voices show up authentically, amplify their impact and create the change they wish to see in the world. Fifi, welcome to the podcast.
Fifi: Thank you so much for having me. And it's interesting that you're struggling with that because I find it much easier to just read.
Teresa: completely offers it . Yeah. And I do know that by some people, some people script their entire podcast. Mm-Hmm. I lit. Could you imagine? I literal have to read like a sentence. . I I, it would be an absolute disaster. So for me, I am so much better off the cuff the same. If someone wants something prerecorded, I treat it like it's live.
So if I slightly mess up, I start again or not start again. I just keep going. Yeah. 'cause if I try to do it perfectly, I will mess it up massively. So apart from being an amazing summit host, which you are, and Fifi is very kindly giving me some of her time, because as you've heard me maybe mention on the podcast, but only very briefly, I am planning a summit in March, which now gives me even more respect for Fifi because it's a ton of work.
But Fifi, just tell us a bit about a bit more about who you are and what you do.
Fifi: Yes, of course I can do that. So, as you said, I'm Fifi Mason and I am a personal brand invisibility coach and I work specifically with quiet impact makers and quiet coaches, helping them to Show up in a way that feels more natural, aligned with who they are, their personality, and really just start putting themselves out there in a way that feels comfortable to them, without having to be the loudest in the room, the one that's Shouting the loudest in their kind of marketing message, they can still embrace their quiet nature and, and put themselves out there in that way and find a way that works for them.
So that's predominantly who I help and how I do it. So.
Teresa: And people would find this hard to understand because I am an extrovert and I don't mind putting myself out there, but even I sometimes get intimidated by some of the people who have the loudest voices and often the people who have the loudest voices tend to be the ones who get the business, which Even I find frustrating, so I can't imagine who someone who wouldn't maybe class themselves as extroverted as I am, how frustrating that must be for them, and also how disheartening and how almost what's the point, like, how do you get over that whole, actually I can still create what I want without having to try and match what they're doing, because it just wouldn't be authentic, would it?
Fifi: Yeah, and that's the goal really to, to be authentically you. And I think, I think there is a shift going on where people aren't just going for the loudest person in the room anymore. They are going for those who are genuine, authentic and being themselves. And you can see that in the way that people are connecting and the changes in people's.
Decisions in their buying decisions, because they're not just going for those that are out there and, and don't, they don't align with, they're going with the people that they do, that they like, that they get on with, who, who have the same values as them, who are just being authentically themselves. But that is often a struggle for a lot of people as well, just to have that freedom and the.
And feel comfortable being themselves in front of people. And that's predominantly why I help my clients with really getting clear on who they are, what they stand for, and how they're going to communicate that in a way that feels authentic and aligned and start moving past some of the struggles that they might have, which.
which is around, often around self silencing.
Teresa: So what do you mean by the term self silencing?
Fifi: So, self silencing at its core is when we, when we hold back our thoughts, our ideas, our opinions, and even sharing our story and our experiences for the fear of Mostly potential consequences or mostly perceived consequences, things that we think are going to happen, but tend not to happen.
And so it's the struggle of just, just being yourself and really talking about the things that you think about the thing, the ideas that you have, the, the experiences you've had in your life, you find it really difficult to. To express them, to talk about them out loud in the world on social media. Um, and it can, it can really impact the connection that you make with those clients and, and really impact how they perceive you if you're not being your true self.
Um, so this is a quite a, quite a big problem that I find. That a lot of, a lot of people face, but predominantly the quieter, more introverted types struggle with this a lot
Teresa: more. What do they think? You know, this must be something that, that comes up a lot and I have some thoughts of my own on this, but like, like you said, people aren't doing it because there's a fear.
So what is it that they're fearing? What do they think is going to happen if they use their voice, if they show up authentically, if they give an opinion on something?
Fifi: Well, it really starts in in this 5 different reasons that I've identified that make. But that kind of show up will help us to see how it shows up.
So, so the five reasons, the core reasons we might be self silencing for each one, they, they have different things, different, different scenarios that, that could potentially be holding you back. So, so I can go through those. That'd be great. Yeah. One by one. So the first one is that you worry that those you care about the most.
We'll see you differently and judge you differently and this one specific, this one is specifically because it's specifically your close friends and family because they're, they're the ones that we hold or their opinion. We hold that dear to us, so we going to be more fearful of what they think, what they, what their opinion is all of us, then, then someone that we don't know in the world.
And I see this show up a lot with those that are definitely new to business when they're doing something new in their business, and they're, they're worried that maybe. Close friends and family, colleagues or ex colleagues, maybe peers in their industry will judge them for what they're doing, what they're putting out there on.
If they're, if they're just suddenly showing up on social media, if they, if they. Saying things that, that people have just never heard them say before, who, who know them. They're going to be surprised and start questioning, well, why are you all of a sudden doing this? This, this is not something you've ever done before.
Teresa: And I don't think that ever changes. Like even for me, where the people who bother me the most are the people that know me, like, you know, I'm putting something out soon where. It will be really vulnerable and I'll be really open about, you know, something that's happened with me and I'm not concerned about my community knowing I'm concerned about my ex husband seeing it.
I'm concerned about my ex mother in law seeing it. I'm concerned about my family potentially seeing it and not knowing those things about me because for some reason my community feels like a much safer space than going and having those conversations. So I think that is something to to bear in mind that actually that That happens to lots of people in lots of ways and, and even when I have been so open and so, you know, vulnerable and authentic in the past, it still feels uncomfortable.
So what would your thought be then if someone is feeling that? What would your thought be or how would you talk to them about getting over that? In the nicest sense of the word.
Fifi: It's a good point you made just then that this is, this is often comes up in different stages of business as well. So all, all of the things that I go through today, they, they could happen at any stage.
They, they often happen a lot earlier on if you really do have a struggle with, with some of these things. But I see, especially those who once they have established or have a really established. Following, they are more hesitant to start changing things and doing things because they don't want to lose people.
Teresa: Yeah. So there's. And you got more to lose at that point. Whereas I think when people get started, they're like terrified of putting something out there and you're like, well, you're lucky if someone will see it. Like it's when you have a following and when you have people that you think, Oh no, people are definitely going to see this, that it gets even more scary.
Fifi: It does. So yeah, a lot of these challenges can come up at any stage, but. With this one specifically, what I find helps the most is to, is to just, instead of just all of a sudden going out there and, and expressing these things to the world, it's to, it's to take little steps to be more open and honest in your day to day interactions with family and friends and just talk to them about stuff.
So it could just be Even if it's, you've, you've changed your opinion on something in society, in, in the world, and you want to start expressing that, but you, you don't want to just put it out there. So you would just go to, to your partner, maybe the first person you would talk to about it. Express it to them and then maybe it's a family member and then maybe it's a close friend and, and it's just taking those gradual steps so that you are not just all of a sudden out there in the whole world saying these things for the first time.
And even so, that can be kind of daunting as well to, to take those steps, so.
Teresa: Yeah, I was going to say that because in some ways. Like the people who have been in my world the longest are the people that know me the least because they've not moved with me. Like one thing that I talk about and I've talked about in therapy is the fact that people don't like you moving positions.
They like the status quo. Okay. So they like the, the person, the box that you fit in and have fitted in for years. And if you start stepping out that box or especially my. you know, for me, the minute I started stepping out of that box and going, but I'm not like that anymore, or that's not how I want to show up anymore.
Actually, I don't want to play that role anymore. Those people closest to me are the ones that are struggling with it the most. And it's almost easier for me to show up fully authentically in my business and publicly. And And for them, for me to think in the background, they might look at this going, you know, whatever.
And it's like, actually, you couldn't accept me moving on or you couldn't accept me changing or tweaking or showing up in a different way. And that problems with, you know, like, you know, so it's really fascinating that, you know, it's not just as clear cut as showing yourself to the world. There are different people in different times of your life and different, you know, sort of relationships that you will go, that's tricky or that's hard.
What's fascinating about my relationship with my husband is he never watches my stuff, never listens to my stuff, never reads my stuff. So I joke that I've divorced him like three times on my podcast and he wouldn't have a clue because he doesn't pay any attention. So like, you know, he's funny, but also what's funny as well is like, I, I've got family members who aren't on social media at all.
And it's like, how do they know what's going on in my world without me actually having to go and tell them? Because they don't see it. Like, and I know that sounds ridiculous, but we are so used to that world that actually, and actually that one to one conversation is so much harder than me just going, Hey world, this thing now, or.
I did this like, like, so for instance, my podcast hit number one in the marketing charts in the UK on Apple. And I was obviously so flipping proud, like so, so happy about it. And I posted it on social and I shared it and I sent it in an email and they did all that stuff. And yet some of my closest family don't know, and I don't know how to tell them.
I don't know how to go to them and go. Hey, listen, like this thing happened to me because I don't want to look like a big head or I don't want to, like, how do I bring it up in a conversation? Like, so it is really fascinating that actually maybe if the fear is you're concerned about what those people say because you've had a bad experience doesn't mean Actually, the, the people not in your immediate thing might, you might find it way easier to do than your immediate family.
So yeah, it's so fascinating, isn't it?
Fifi: Yeah, it is. And actually, that is going to lead on to the next one. Awesome. Just want to, yeah, the, the flip side to this is that you might struggle more like talking to your closer friends and family about things because. you've already built your tribe who know you, trust you, all of that.
Like, and that's the dream, isn't it? To be able to do that and have those, have that community and have those people. So, so building that and being the authentic self to do that is, is the perfect solution. But if you do struggle with expressing things to closer friends and family, The other thing that you could start doing is, is really just, I find I write about things a lot and get clear on how I want to express it and then you can then approach it.
But yes, this ties into the next one, which is you feel responsible for other people's feelings.
Teresa: Oh, that's a good one.
Fifi: And this, this actually, it does tie into what you were saying there, because I often find that When you're, when you take on the responsibility over the people's feelings, it means that you're less likely to share certain things, like maybe that you've been successful in something, that you've accomplished something, because you don't want to feel like you're bragging, you don't want to show off.
You don't want to put them down all of those things. So it's kind of comes from that perspective and this also shows up when we might be being more salesy in, in our content as well. So. Worrying that when we're putting out those offers and, and actually telling people about our services, that they're going to get upset or angry or frustrated or irritated because we're being too much, we're sharing it too much when often it's the complete opposite and we're not doing it half as much as we should be.
Teresa: And again, that one was, that's so good. So I think as a rule of life, knowing that you can't be responsible for someone else's feelings, and, and this is where this falls into the whole boundaries thing as well in terms of like, so, You might put up with something. So let's say, you know, I've talked about this before on the podcast where I had a friend that we used to go and see.
And every time I went to see that friend, they would start some debate with me and would make it really uncomfortable. And I didn't want to rock the boat. I didn't want to, you know, cause anything. So I just kept quiet, which I know some of you will find very hard to believe, but I did. And actually what I was doing was I was putting no boundaries in place.
I was devaluing me and my feelings. So I was going, it's okay for me to feel like this as I don't want to risk them being feeling in a certain way, which meant they just carried on and I put up with it, which ultimately And then I resented it. And then, you know, now I finally put the stop in and went, No, I'm not dealing with this anymore, but you can't be responsible for someone's feelings.
You can put something out how they choose to take it is entirely up to them. And you're not saying that they're wrong for feeling that way. You're just saying it's not your responsibility. So, so yeah, I love that one Fifi. That's a really good one.
Fifi: Exactly. And so not a solution, but a way around this is just knowing what you are responsible for.
Yeah. And that is the delivery, the word choice that you might. You might actually choose to express yourself and doing your research as well is one of those things that you can do if you've got a strong opinion that you want to share on something, make sure you, you've done your research and you know that your stance is something that you truly believe is true.
And so just being clear on what you're responsible for, I mean, You can, yeah, take, take away that, taking on the responsibility of other people's feelings, which is not, not good.
Teresa: No, that's awesome. Okay, number three.
Fifi: Number three, you're, you feel your thoughts and ideas are insignificant.
Teresa: Yeah. I get this one a lot.
I hear this one a lot.
Fifi: Yes. This one, so there is one that's slightly close, like very slightly close to this, but very different in, in, in the way that it shows up. So, so I'll express or explain which, Oh, I'll explain how this one actually works. So this one is. If you are, well, when you go to do something, post something, share something, you just feel like nobody's going to care.
No, there's no point in doing it. It's, it's not even worth even bothering. It's, there's just no point because you just don't feel like anyone is going to be listening. Anyone's going to even be bothered to, to take the time to listen to it, watch it, whatever it is. So that is really taking on this, this sense of just that you, yeah, that you are insignificant in your voices.
Sorry. I can't even say it.
Teresa: That is fine
Fifi: it's taking, it's thinking that your voice is insignificant in the world. And this, for the quieter of us is, is more, is more of a thing because there are the louder voices in the world, in the world, those where people have really strong opinions and they're putting themselves out there and you just think, well, who am I to even show
Teresa: Why would someone want to listen to me?
Fifi: Yeah. So if, if you're feeling like that, it can be, it can be quite a difficult one to get past. So, so it could be that you've shared, you've written something that you're going to share on social media and it's, it's a fresh angle, something new and you just start to. One day you start having these what ifs in the back of your mind saying, well, no one's going to find this interesting.
No one is going to care what I have to say, anyway, so what's the point? And you just kind of just don't bother.
Teresa: But the truth is, everyone needs to see. I remember I had a coffee with Amy Portfield years ago and she talked about when she was living in a larger body and she talked about speaking on stage and someone had said to her, and she was repeating this back to me, someone, you know, she didn't want to speak on stage because she was in a larger body.
And this person said to her, someone else needs to see you do that so it gives them permission to do it. And I was able to go, and that was me. Like I'm that person. Because at the point of, you know, seeing Amy on stage, everyone else was like, Super skinny, like not everybody, but the majority of the people that I was watching were either males or very skinny, very beautiful females.
And it was like, Oh God, I mean, Amy is very beautiful and is never skinny, but like, I needed to see that to give me permission and. Although someone might look at me as a character and be like, you know, well, she's this and she's that and the other, they need to see someone like them go, oh, this is okay.
And the same with when we're being authentic or when we're showing up for ourselves or when we're giving our opinions, some people aren't going to like it, but the people who you want to attract, they need to see that, don't they?
Fifi: Exactly. It's, you're not only silencing yourself, but you're preventing other people benefiting from your, the valuable ideas that you've got.
You're just showing up can inspire people. Yeah. And if, yeah, and I, I see it as. Even, like, just small ripples can create these bigger waves, and you can, you can just one tiny little thing, just one tiny little thing that you said could make someone smile, and That, that every day, if you just got that in your mind, then it's going to help you to show up and, and, and actually, yeah, be there for the people that you want to help the most.
Teresa: Yeah, like you said, there's two ways. There's the way of someone needs to see you. So it gives them permission to do the same to think, okay, well. I'm a bit quieter. I'm softly spoken. I'm, you know, I don't want to do all the going all out. I want to show up this way. And actually they're showing me I can.
And also the people you're trying to help that if, you know, they're looking at, so for a long time, it was just bro marketers. And of course I followed that route because there wasn't many people to follow at that point. And I would be following it and going, okay, yeah, I've got to do this. But deep down, I'm like, I don't like it.
Like, why am I doing this? Because Those people who perhaps thought, well, I can't because there's these bro markets. I needed to see those people to go, Oh no, this is okay. I don't have to show up that way and they need to help me in that way. So yeah, love that one.
Fifi: So the next one is you're unsure you could defend your ideas.
Teresa: Oh, these are really good, Fifi. These are like, every one I'm like, Ooh, that's a good one. Yeah. Okay. Elaborate on that one.
Fifi: So this one is, and I, the more I talk about this topic, the more people are like, yes, that's the one for me. And it just seems to be that for a lot of people, having, putting themselves out there in a way that could means someone is going to question them.
You want to have an argument in some way, even though that's generally not what happens. If you feel like you're putting out your honest beliefs and opinions and thoughts, you, you're just worried that someone is going to question you in some way. And this can be different in person and online.
So. In person, you might, you might worry that you will have that confrontation face to face, that you'll be questioned, even just asked to clarify something and you might stumble over your words, you might not be able to express it clearly, and you'll, especially for, for people like me who just find it really difficult to be put on the spot, you might just have like a and, A blank head, your mind must go blank and you just can't think of what to say and it's often having to put it with the stronger personalities of people that like can be quite outspoken and, and.
And they're confident and assertive in, in those situations. But when we're faced with that, it can be quite a struggle. And you can fear that your voice is going to be drowned out by them or dismissed by people. Or you will express yourself the way that you want to in that kind of situation, but then.
Sorry, go on. In the online world, it's different. So it really can be because there's, there's more anonymity. There's people that can just call you out without any repercussions on themselves. You get people that troll for fun, which is just, I don't know what, why because it's such a waste of their own lives.
Teresa: Something very sad going on in their life.
Fifi: But it really does hold people back from, from sharing things on social media because of that. that way that people can pile on people if they haven't said the right thing according to the code. And so you would second guess it, you'll question it, you'll, instead of posting something, you might hold back your, your opinion.
You might water it down a little bit, or you might just not want to say anything at all. And yeah, it really just results in you just not showing up in the way that you want to, not expressing yourself in the way that you want to. And. And really, this has a knock on effect, this one, because over time, if you, the, the more you don't express these things and talk about these things that, that do matter to you, you just start, it starts to affect you personally and, and really question, you'll start to question who you are and what you're, what you stand for, because you're not actually standing up for the things that you want to or believe in.
Teresa: Yeah, again, some of those things that you said then. What's fascinating is we perceive when I say we, I mean, people can perceive someone who stumbles on their words as someone who's not intelligent or doesn't know what they're talking about, or, you know, whereas we perceive people who are very direct speaking that they're confident that we can trust them that, you know.
And, and that perception is wrong, like you said, it's just the way that people show up and how they like to communicate does not mean. So one of the things that I used to struggle with was because I like laughing and I'm very smiley and people used to not take me seriously because they used to think I obviously couldn't be smart.
And. You know, good at my job. If I laughed all the time, like, and it's like, well, how does that make that true? And it's the same with what you're saying in terms of actually standing on stage might not be the thing that you want to do because that or doing something verbatim is much better for you, whereas that wouldn't be for me.
So it's finding those things where you can be confident, but knowing that your version of confidence doesn't have to look like someone else's version of confidence and actually we need to be teaching that, especially now with neurodiverse, you know, and inclusivity, we need to be accepting that not everyone is going to show up the way that everyone expects them to show up or should show up that way.
And we should be embracing those people. And then the thing online, again, like, I get it a hundred percent. What if I say this thing and people go, you're wrong, or I don't agree, or, and, and it. There's two things. One, it's the whole potential backlash, but also it's the prove me wrong and me not being smart enough to know how to prove them, or me giving an angst of a kind of a thought that I've picked up somewhere and then can't follow it through.
It's like, you know, those things. I totally get the fear on them. Totally. Totally. But yeah, really good ones.
Fifi: Yeah, and for this one to, to begin to really feel more confident in those situations, it again comes back to that research sometimes, like doing your research and being sure of what you want to actually express and talk about.
And I do have. So some ways to really, to really get clear on how to express that and the first way is to just trace your own experience, your own evolution of that knowledge. So what is my first understanding of this topic? This is where it starts. So where's it? Why? How is it developed? And then you can express it quite clearly in that way.
The other 1 is to just lead with your emotions. So, in that moment, if if you're talking about something, it's rather rather than. Where, like, what, the facts or anything, just, just talk about, well, this makes me feel this way, kind of questioning why, and go from that perspective.
Teresa: And saying things in my experience.
So if you're not confident to go, this way is a really good way of doing it, or, you know, basically nail it in by saying this is the best way to do it, then saying in my experience, this has been the best way to do it, like, because you're not saying everyone else is wrong and you're right. You're saying in my experience, I find this most effective, or this has worked well for me, or this has been the way I've dealt with it or whatever.
So yeah, yeah, love that.
Fifi: Yeah. And then, and then just finding your own ways of expressing things. And I'll come back to writing, which really has helped me. I think over time, the more I write about stuff, the more I can express it verbally or really get clear on how I want to express it in the right way.
So, yeah, that's. That's definitely helpful when it comes to those things. And I can also share a little, a little mindset reframing technique at the end. So yeah. Awesome. Thank you. Okay. So the, the fifth and final one is you feel you don't have a right or you're not good enough. So this one is, this is the one that's very similar to number three.
You feel your thoughts are insignificant, but this one comes from a very different perspective. This one is more from the, the perspective of imposter syndrome of, of the external view of yourself. Like, you feel like people are going to see you as not the right person, whereas the insignificant one is more of a personal and it's you not seeing yourself as, as significant.
And so this one is, is how you just feel like you're not qualified enough that you don't have the right to share your thoughts on certain topics or speak on certain matters because you've not had the experience, or you don't have obvious experience that you can show for it. You might be new to your field, you haven't, you haven't put the hours in and such, and you feel like you just not achieved enough for it.
And you could be in this state of comparing yourself to those who are more successful and be saying things to yourself like, who am I to talk about this when there are experts out there who have been doing it for years?
Teresa: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But again, you know, it can come back to those people needing to see you or needing to hear your opinion or needing to know someone at this point in a journey.
So for me, I have this. you know, thing that I say that I show you the scar, not the wound. So it's like I will go through something. I will come out the other side and you won't know what's going on at the time, but then I will share with you what happened and that I have been through it. And And it's kind of similar in the sense of, you know, where I am in my journey is very different to where Amy Porterfield is in her journey or Mel Robbins or whoever it might be like, you know, I'm in a very different place.
So even though I might look at those people and go, well, why would I talk about mindset? Because Mel's got that covered or why would I talk about online businesses? Because Amy's got that covered, but they're in a different position to where I am, which makes that a strength in me, because there might be people out there who go.
I can't, I can't resonate with what Mel's saying or what Amy's saying, and I'm just Picking two random names. It's not specifically about those two people, but you know, because they are so far ahead because they are a million miles from me, their business is so different from me. Their life is different from me.
Whereas I might be that far enough ahead, but also that close enough to them for them to go. Oh, no, that makes sense. And actually, I find that inspiring because I can see where I'm about to head. Whereas it might not be the case when someone's so far ahead of you. So again, They might need to see someone like you at your point in the journey talking about that thing.
So yeah, I love that one.
Fifi: Yes, that's exactly it. It's, it's, it's showing up in a way where you're being true to you and you're following your own journey. And as you say, Every journey is different. Every person has different things in their lives. They're going different places. They have different dreams and different aspirations.
So no one journey is the same. There's no, there's no way we can replicate it. And when I see those, those kind of follow my step by step and you'll get success kinds of things, I'm like. No, because everybody is in a different position and everybody has different things going on in their lives. There's no way that if I were to follow exactly the same thing, it's going to have the same success.
So it's really just going on my journey. Yeah.
Teresa: Because we are all so different. We have different unique qualities. Our difference, our business is different. the way we show up are different. Again, it's like saying to someone, you know, YouTube's working really well and they hate being on camera, hate it.
And yet they force themselves to do it. And then they look awful. It is awful. It's very uncomfortable for not only them, but the people watching. And it doesn't work because it wouldn't work if anybody had actually spoken to that person. And that's why, for me, I think, I think going forward, you know, what people will see in my thing is, is that.
In the services I offer, there is nothing that is like, you know, everybody just follow this one thing because I know that's not a thing that it can't be because we're all so different. So, yeah, love that. So we need to see that variety as well. Awesome. Awesome. So those are the five things which I think were brilliant.
One thing that you said I want to pick up before we move on to the mindset kind of shift that you said, how do you know when enough research is enough? Because I feel like that would be a great way to procrastinate. Well, I couldn't possibly do this thing because I need to research a bit more. Oh, I need to a bit more research.
Like, how do you go? Okay, now get on with it.
Fifi: It is an interesting one, and it really depends on the topic, the context and everything. But if I was to go to myself and think about a specific opinion, let's say, because when, when we, when we have opinions, sometimes they're the harder ones to actually express.
If it was a specific opinion, then I would do enough research to where I actually feel personally, like in me, confident with that. And that's, that's the only way that I can really. really get to a point where that would, I would be able to say that that's enough research. If you kept going, you're still like, I still don't have this solid idea.
I've, I feel, I don't feel ready. Then maybe it's just not something that you should be even expressing. Yeah, right now, it can come, it can be something you come back to in years, months, years, whenever, when you've solidified the idea, it's not something you have to put out there just for the sake of it, it's, it's really only when you come to the conclusion of, yes, I need to express this now, I need to share this, because.
It means a lot to me and it also is something that my audience needs to hear.
Teresa: Yeah. Yeah. Love that. Okay. Mindset, trick, hack, tool.
Fifi: Yes. So, so we've been talking a lot about These perceived, so a lot of these are perceived consequences or the fears there are often the things that are just going through our heads, then they're not real other than maybe potentially someone questioning you that in that way, when you've got to defend your ideas, majority of these things are just in your head and.
A lot of the time you are going through this, these, these fears when you're having these doubts, there are these what if questions, so I want to share with you, I called the what if game, and this is a really simple reframing technique to take you from self to service. So. In those moments of when you're, when you're about to show up and you have some of those doubts, those what, what if questions going through your head, they could be something like, what if nobody cares?
What if I upset someone today? What if what I say someone disagrees with and say something nasty about it? So what you would do on a piece of paper, you would draw two columns. In the first column you have self and then the second column you have service and you take those first what ifs that are coming up, the ones where you might say that you, what if nobody cares?
Yeah. And you list them down in the self column, but then you want to start thinking about the opposite to those. So in the second column in that self, in the service column, you will write down. The opposite, a flip, a benefit to what your audience would get from you. So rather than what if nobody cares, it could be what if this impacts one person today, or let's say it's what if I look silly?
Well, what if I make someone smile today? And if, what if I upset somebody? Well, what if someone needed to hear this because it's important to them. So it's really flipping from that self perspective to the service perspective in those what if questions that are coming up. So in that moment, when you're, when you're doing whatever it is, it's just really thinking about those for the what ifs from the services. And they're really great affirmations as well, I find. What if, what if I can make someone smile today?
Teresa: That's awesome. And I do, and you're so right, taking it from the self, because these things all come from the self and often come from the ego. It's the ego that doesn't want someone to say that we're wrong.
It's the ego that doesn't want someone to look at us and think they don't know what they're talking about or get upset by us or whatever. And actually, if we can put us and the ego to one side and we can shift it to serving and helping, and I had this conversation just, I think it was earlier on, I obviously talked all day after loads of podcast interviews, but one of the things I talked about was like, taking me from saying, Oh, I'll do that when my List is bigger, community is bigger, when I can sell more tickets.
But it's like, well, hang on, what's the driver behind it? If the driver behind it is to help people, then surely that doesn't matter if you're helping three or 300. Like, and I think that's another thing, like, oh, well, I'll probably, you know, if I was the size of whatever, then I would do this. Well, no.
Because there's people who need you to do it now. There's people who need to see it now. There's people you can help right now. So, you know, when we talk about an email list is a great example of the amount of people who start an email list and then go, Oh yeah, I'll email them when I've got more people on my list.
And it's like, well, they don't know. They're only one of five people. They come to you because they've seen something in that you, they want some help and you're not bothering them. And if they, if you are bothering them, they'll unsubscribe and that has nothing to do with you. Like there are a million reasons why someone might unfollow you or not engage in your content or not want to get your emails and none of them are to do with you.
And therefore. All of those things that would stop you are all to do with you and your ego. So if we can shift it away from ourself, away from our ego into that service point of view, brilliant. Yes, exactly. This stuff is brilliant. And you have published a mini book on this, haven't you?
Fifi: Yes, I have. So All of the things that we talked about today, and there's a few more techniques in there as well, tools to help you with some of this.
So get some understanding and some, some ways to move through it. So yeah, my book, Stop Self Silencing, it's just a mini book on Amazon at the moment.
Teresa: Love it. We will make sure we put a link to it and I'm going to get it. I'm going to get a copy and people might think, well, why would you get a copy? Cause you're not, you know, a quieter person than you do.
But everything that you said, I have experienced or I have been through and at various different times, I have let it stop me show up. And what my version of showing up and speaking might look very different from someone else's version, but we can still have the same blocks, and we can still have the same concerns, and the ego can still kick in, like, for me, I'm an Enneagram 3, I really have to watch my ego, so actually, for me, there's many reasons why I need to take myself back to the service, but Fifi, that was brilliant.
Where can people come and find you and follow you and show you that you're awesome?
Fifi: They can find me on, well, if you go to fifimason.com/connect and you'll find all the links to my socials and everything on there. So be where you find me.
Teresa: Thank you so much Fifi. It's been a pleasure to have you on.
Fifi: Thank you so much.
Teresa: Honestly, everyone, I hope you enjoyed the episode because I did. I don't think there's going to be any one of you listening that hasn't experienced one or all of those things that we just talked about. So I will put the link in my bio, not in my bio, I'll put the link in the show notes to go and get the book.
Obviously, if you go check Fifi out, I'm sure you'll find the link over there as well. Please do let her know what you thought of this. I thought it was a awesome episode. And I soon, and I keep saying this and I promise it will be soon, will be sharing some very vulnerable and authentic stuff with you. So I will be going through some of these things myself right up to before I share that with you.
So just know that when I eventually share, How am I 2023 went I would have already experienced these things? So it happens to all of us. Okay. Have a wonderful rest of your week and I will see you soon.