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How to find your midlife purpose and leave the BS behind

Today’s episode of the podcast is an interview with Jennifer Zenz-Olson, founder of Laughing Lotus Wellness and a Transformational Purpose coach, motivational speaker, podcaster and best-selling author.

We talk all about the highs and lows of mid life, and how empowering it can be. I love everything Jen has to say, and I know you are going to get so much from this episode. As always, I’d love to know what resonates with you and what you think, so please feel free to connect with me on my social media!

KEY TAKEAWAYS COVERED IN THE PODCAST

● What do we mean by mid-life
● The positives of mid-life
● Why you need to harness your energy and use it to help you
● How to tell that you are out of alignment with your purpose

THE ONE THING YOU NEED TO REMEMBER ABOVE ALL ELSE

There is a different confidence and power that comes with mid life, and when you embrace it, it’s really beautiful.

LINKS TO RESOURCES MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE

Jennifer Zenz-Olson Instagram
Laughing Lotus Wellness Facebook
Laughing Lotus Wellness YouTube
Laughing Lotus Wellness Website
Wendy Hill’s Fab Female Nutrition Club

Transcript

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the podcast. How are you doing?

So this week I have a interview, which is my second to last is my penultimate interview for the time being. Like I said, I am taking a break from interviewing, I'm gonna do solos and I'm gonna keep 'em short and sweet. I'm gonna do some real practical tips and advice. So this is one of the last interviews you're going to hear. I've got one more in two weeks time.

This is the lovely Jen Zen Olsen. She is so, so lovely. I met her through networking a while back and you know, you just hit it off and I really love what she says. I love how she is and I know you're going to get a lot from this episode, so there's probably no point in me saying anything else. I'll just hand over to Jen.

I am really excited today to welcome to the podcast the very lovely Jen Zens Olson. Jen, how are you doing?

Jennifer: Oh my gosh, so good. So excited to be here with you. I'm so excited for this interview and this chat today we're gonna have today. I know it's gonna be amazing.

Teresa: Honestly, I am like, you know when you meet someone online, I'm talking to my lovely listeners and you're like, oh no, we should be friends. Like, and isn't it funny as an adult to be like, yes, so I really be friends with you. Can we be friends?

Jennifer: Totally like friend crushing on someone. You're like, isn't too soon to ask for a second date. But I really like you.

Teresa: But obviously it's funny when you're older, like making friends with people, but but also how I don't like you when I meet someone. Oh, yeah. No, you, you, you're the person.

Like, so I am so grateful that, luckily Jen felt the same way and we've been hanging out and, and that she's on the podcast. So I'm really excited about this. Jen, we always start exactly the same way by you explaining to my lovely audience who you are and how you got to do the thing that you do today.

Jennifer: Okay, so I work with really successful middle aged women who are at a place in their life where they are maybe dealing with all sorts of things that are shifting and changing in the worlds, like perhaps empty nesting or needing a career change, relationship things a maybe aging parents, and they feel like they've got all these layers kind of covering them, and they're facing this place in their life where they know that they need to make a shift. I call it a lane change. They know that they need clarity.

They've maybe lost touch with their purpose, but know they wanna do something big and they're not sure anymore how to go about that because it's like they had an idea at one place in their life and it shifted and transformed and evolved because we do.

And they've landed this place where they are feeling stuck. And so what I do is I work with women to help them get really clear about where they've been, where they're going, how they're going to do that, just outlining their strengths, their talents, their gifts, and also their unique energetic signature, which is something special that I do because I'm all about the energy and we sort of figure out their, their lane change.

And sometimes that means a really big shift. Sometimes it means a small shift, and we just needed to reconnect with parts of ourselves and then off they go. We just get them totally fully empowered feeling their strengths, their legacy, honestly, the impact that they can create, and then we get them going back out in the world and leaving a trailblazing, beautiful fiery place is so that they're, like I said, creating that wonderful legacy.

Teresa: I love it. I love it so much. So, a stupid question, start off with, what do you call midlife? Like what ages?

Jennifer: Yeah, that's interesting. I, I just created a Facebook community for, for, it's called Midlife Repurposed. And I, and I invited some of my friends, my friends are in their thirties, and they were like, excuse me, like, it's super funny, like, like slightly offended and like, listen, here's the deal.

Everyone defines it slightly different. I know many of us probably think between like 40 and 60. I would say, I think between 35 and 65, I probably have a little bit bigger mindset only because I'm not saying 35 is midlife, but you're preparing for it. And some women actually start going through physical changes in their bodies. Sooner than others.

So I would rather someone have some awareness about what's coming and, and sort of have this idea of preparation and awareness versus waiting till I'm smack in the middle of something. And now I might be in a, in a struggle, a place of, of conflict, and now I'm searching for, for some resolution.

It's like, let's, let's get ahead of the game, right? Let's have some awareness and, and make those kind of changes in advance. Give ourselves permission to know what's coming and step into that power even sooner, because I love that kind of legacy.

Teresa: You're so right. It's funny. I need to connect you with the lovely Wendy Hill from Hill Start Nutrition, who has a group called Fab Female, and she talks about perimenopause and menopause. She's a nutritionist and, and so she talks about that. But what's cool is like I am 43 now. I always say that very tentatively like, I can't remember…

Yeah. And then we do the math and I'm like, oh yeah, no, that is right. And, but like, You know, I hadn't really thought about things like the menopause because you like, I like to pretend I'm very young, still , but being in Wendy's world, actually, like you said, it's kind of taken the, the mystery out of, you know, well that happens when you're older or that happens, you know?

And actually, like you said, there are so many people specifically just talking about this, and I apologize if you're a man and not having this part of the conversation, but there are so many people who start perimenopause far earlier than people would imagine. And, and therefore they don't know, like, and they don't know that's what it is.

And I feel very privileged now to have been in Wendy's world so that I'm more equipped with those things. So like you said, even though, you know, if I, they might be big, excuse me Jen, I'm very young and vocal. I do think there is that kind of, that kind of having an awareness of kind of what's coming, but you know, not in a negative way. The other thing that's really interesting that kind of sprung to mind as you spoke about this. In terms of the challenges of this age, right? And the fact of children growing up, and even so I've still got children at home, but they're teenagers like they don't have the same needs as they used to or they sort themselves out, you know, which is, has some real benefits.

FYI, people when you, you don't have to deal with them all the time. Conversation is a difference. Like, you know, but also like, yeah, and those challenges that them growing up were, oh God, let's don't hear it. But relationship changes. And one thing that's really fascinating, I found fascinating at the moment is we know, I know a lot of people whose relationships are breaking down or coming to an end..

I literally spoke to someone the other day. I, I replied something on Instagram to her and she DMed back and said, my husband and I have just, he's just left me like, and it came from what she said, like a bolter at the blue. It did from my point of view. Now, I didn't know him in particularly I know her, but, and then, She said to me, you know, I dunno why I've just said this to you, but you are my example of someone going through this.

Cause obviously I did, I was divorced, what it's now, 8, 9, 10 years ago and obviously I've remarried. And, but actually that, and when you were talking about like them being stuck and one of the things I thought about was, and one of things I spoke to her about is I didn't know who I was anymore and I think when it comes to the children and the careers, and even if your relationship goes, you know, doesn't have any problems. It's like you in your life, you, you get to, you know who you are, you know where you fit, you know who's around, you know how it looks. You feel comfortable and you are in your comfort zone. And when something happens that takes that out, I literally remember like God, I was wild.

Like I'm not even kidding. When my husband is nice to my ex-husband. I was wild, like cuz I didn't know who I was. I didn't know how I was meant to behave. I remember going to parties on my own and being like, what am I meant to do here? Like, and I think we always think that it takes something as big and dramatic as that's happened, but actually this age range you're talking about these little small shifts and changes are happening all the time, aren't they?

Jennifer: Right, right. They are. That's, I think that's really a testament to what I think of, you know, as people refer to midlife as a crisis. Right? So I was saying one of, one of my passions is the only narrative we have is midlife crisis, like the only that is the most depressing thing on the planet that we only have one way of looking at it.

And instead of seeing it as a crisis, can we look at it as evolution? Can we look at revolutionizing the idea and the relationship we have with it? Because you're exactly right, it's, we're in incessant change. So what who you are and what you're standing for at 20 and 30 and 40 look very, very different.

And, and to your point, you know, relationships can, can break down. We have kids, I, I, so I have a aging ailing dad who's in hospice. I just launched my child into college this year and at 40, what launched this passion and the mission that I have right now in my career is I went through this. I lived through at 40 in a perfectly beautiful private practice providing psychotherapy.

I hated going to work everyday. And I created it. It was my dream. And so I think I felt like, how did my vision get so wrong here? That I'm here and I'm peeling myself out of bed every day and I'm creatively like, how can I miss work today because I don't wanna face it. And so, and I knew something was wrong, and what happened was I felt kind of broken, to be honest.

I felt like something is deeply wrong with me. If this was my mission, if my purpose was supporting people on their journey, which by the way is way too small of a nugget. So part of it was that I wasn't even super clear about my purpose at that time. I narrowed it down and I was, I was absolutely lacking creativity, inspiration, motivation.

And I knew something was wrong on the inside. I was like, something is a mess here. And who do you talk to? My friend said things to me literally, Tracy, my friends would say things like, Jen's always had her poop together. I'm not gonna swear on your podcast I'll be appropriate. So, so, right. So they, they, my friend said things like that to me.

Jen knew what she wanted do when she came outta the womb. Jen's got it together. So who do I go save to someone when I look like it's all together. I've got the rocking career, I created my own business and I've got a good reputation and a good community and great clients. My clients were, were absolutely stellar.

I've got all this stuff going. The house, the kid, the husband, I mean, so it was like all the boxes were checked and how come I feel totally a mess. What, what is wrong with me? So I turn that really inward and I find that that's what happens is we get to that middle space and we're like, look, I, I did all the boxes.

And you're looking around going, yeah, like, how did I get here? Is, and the real question of midlife and a mentor said this to me a million years ago, and I was trained to be a therapist. He said, the question of in life is, is this enough? And I don't know why it stuck with me. And I, and I started really like returning to this question of, is this enough?

And my, my answer was no. And I didn't know what it was gonna look like. I, I had worked my tail off for my training, for my license. All the education, the, the investment in it. When you do those things, you end. So when you go how spoiled am I. They're like, I just don't feel happy.

Teresa: Yeah, I know I put everything..

Jennifer: Yeah. Yeah. It was like a really like rough mind space of how, how do I deal with this and what do I do and who am I to, to shift gears like this? So I don't want other women to go through this. I don't want other women in that stage where they're feeling stuck and they might be facing a whole handful of things and lots of times what happens, is people in midlife don't realize they've got a purpose problem underlying all of it. I think it gets stacked up, you know?

Teresa: Well, this is what I was about to say to you in terms of like, you know, if I was having a marketing conversation with you, I'd go, you know, how are we finding your perfect customer? And your perfect customer might not know that they feel like this.

Jennifer: That's exactly right. That's exactly right.

Teresa: They, you know, because exact, for many reasons, but exactly one you said that one, they might be sat there thinking, what am I moaning about? Like, seriously? Like, I've got the house, I've got the husband or the wife or the, whatever, you know?

And I've got the job or I have my own business or like, and my friends think I've got it all together. Like you, Jen, I was always the one to like mother and give advice to and be the leader cuz I am a natural leader. I can't out myself, even when I shouldn't be. I try and take over. not always a good thing.

Like I, and therefore when things go wrong in my world, I find it very hard to open up and be vulnerable. And, and when I did, they didn't like it. Because that's not my role. My role is to be the funny, loud, hilarious, like, you know, got it all together. And if she hasn't, it's just funny and she find it funny.

Like, so it was really hard to be funny. But, but like I said, I think there are a lot of people probably listen to this and I would guess that my, my lovely audience that listening to probably bang on your audience, like, yeah. I feel like they're probably going, there's something, but I dunno what it is or and I dunno how to communicate that. And I dunno what to do. Cause if I can't, if I can't communicate, how earth can I communicate to someone else to then get help for it? And I don't need help, I just need to get over myself. In fact, I heard someone say that just the other day. Just need to get over myself. So how, how do you help them identify themselves?

Jennifer: You know, it's, what it is is for people particularly because I think, like you said, what happens is we can sort of have these layers that cover us, that are, that are, that are really symptomatic, right? So how do we know we're out of alignment?

I mean, I think that's one kind of question is how would I know and there could be like you're lacking inspiration. You're lacking motivation. You're starting to find reasons to check out of life because you don't wanna be there. You might be isolating, you might be drinking too much, you might be filling the spaces with shopping too much.

There's all kinds of things that can actually also look like mental health issues that might be showing up that are really a piece of, if I looked underneath all of that, if I really got to the road of what's going on for you, you might look at me and say you know what, I, at one point I really knew what I was doing here in my life.

And now I'm not so sure. And I think it's sometimes why, you know, for example, empty nesting gets so tucked into this because if the kids leave and the kids were kind of the glue. So, so, and I don't know that anyone will know here, but I've got over 20 years of clinical social work experience was psychotherapist for, for like over 20 years.

So when I speak to this, this is kind of that, that clinical experience talking, but when, when the kids move and they became the glue, everyone feels onward again. Now we're like, well wait a minute, if I'm not a mom, right? This is one of those things that people will do for purposes. They'll say, well, it's a role.

Nope. It's a task. Nope. Yes, it is legacy. Yes, there's a piece of that, but there's actually something that's so much more about that and, and so we can miss that. And if I look at you and in the middle of your crisis, you're going like, my kid just moved out, my parent just died. I'm in the weeds.

But you wanna talk to me about purpose? Yeah, I do. But what we'll do then is what we have to do is go in and we have to attend a first to these front facing issues that if there's stuff that feels like it's coming unglued and now I need the bridge from this place where I'm in a hot mess state.

Over the purpose, you can't get there if you don't have some support. And so that's really where I started shifting of, you know, around my, my messaging to lean into this midlife thing. Let's revolutionize that and can we change the relationship we have with it. So that you could actually look at your purpose, because there's probably some evolution.

We evolve as human beings. I hope that you do but that can be scary to fit right? If we're doing something along the way. Hope we're up. We're evolving. What we might have to do is take a look at these front facing things. And so lots of times that's, that's what it is. It would be, you know, look at the front facing issues.

What's going on for you? Is it marital? Is it, is it empty nesting? Is it, you know, grief? There's so many pieces, is it hormonal? Whatever it is. And we just say, okay, what are these things? We're gonna attend to this upfront, we're gonna make sure that all is well here. And then we would move more deeply in that purpose work because you might need, because it sounds like a luxury to work on purpose.

If I'm in the middle of losing a parent. Like come over can we talk about purpose? And you're gonna do like purpose. I could barely do one foot in front of the other right now. Like, what are you talking about? Right?

Teresa: Like I'm not even feeding myself.

Jennifer: That's exactly right. Exactly.

Teresa: Can we do the basic.

Jennifer: Exactly. So I think it's really important, and that's where I started making this connection where I don't know how many people know that they've got this, that this is riding around underneath all of it.

Teresa: And, and you are right. Like when you start to look at this age, it's tough, man. It's a tough age. Like especially, excuse me, my dog is howling downstairs, which my audience will be very used to me going, oh, I'm so unprofessional. Like he's been put in his bed cuz I'm still recording a podcast. I'm really hoping you can't hear it. Cause obviously when you're doing a podcast, I can hear things that the mic hopefully doesn't pick up, but he's howling like, oh, my mom just left me.

Just had to go in his crate for like just half an hour. What is wrong with him? He's having a written midlife crisis. Having a midlife crisis downstairs. Yeah but you're right. Like you know the, when I think about, and I'm very fortunate in the fact of when my mom passed away, I got therapy which I still have to this day, and I prescribe it for anybody that'll listen because I do really honestly think, and I see it as a privilege and an honor that I get to have it and that I am in a position where I can pay for it. But it's a game changer. It is. And I think what's interesting is like, paying for a therapist is, is almost similar.

Yes, there is a fine line of difference, but almost as similar as going, I'm gonna pay for a coach to help me work with this, or I'm gonna pay for someone else. It, what it provides is that that space, for you to talk about something, for you to unpack everything, but you are, you know, when I think about what, what's happened in the past few years, it's huge.

You know, my mum passed away, my daughter and I lives more with her dad than she lives with me because she changed schools. You know, my stepchildren are growing up and teenagers and grow going out. My husband walks away. My, you know, my business, my, like, we juggle a lot of stuff and then let's add on the fact of like, I'm constantly striving to eat really well.

I'm constantly striving to drink my water. You know, I'm constantly trying to remember my supplements. Like I try journal, like I don't try to do journal, like, you know, do my meditation. I'm like, It's, it is a lot. But I also think as women in this age bracket, in this age range, there's a part of us that just goes, yeah, but it just is. It is what it is. And I just gotta put that down there. You just stay there. I'll be fine.

Jennifer: We're so accustomed to just doing in our culture. And so I think that's what we tuck, we tuck in, you know, we sort of lean in and just like against a stiff wind, you're just walking into it and you're just tucked in and doing the thing, and it's literally sometimes just one foot in front of the other.

And, and I agree with you, and I think that that's sort of conditioned, I think we just get conditioned that like, this is, this is how we roll. We just, women can do all the things, we can juggle all the parts and like no big, right.

And then if you really, it's, it's, I think when you climb into bed at night and you slow down or you're on vacation, or for many people during a pandemic where all of a sudden we had to slow down, you go. There's something that's really wrong with this. There's something that I've just been tucking and running and I don't feel it.

I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know why I'm here anymore. And it's not that it's necessarily depression, it's not necessarily, but it can look and feel like you're so disconnected from your journey and, and from your purpose. And like what, what mores you that gives you joy? Right. That's really what we wanna think about is how much joy are we getting?

If I'm not getting some sense of joy, if I don't get excited, like right now in my business, I love it so much. If I wake up at 4:00 AM and something's on my heart, I pop out of bed and go type it and put it in my iPad. I'm, I'm not gonna miss something that's a beautiful nugget of wisdom for sleep. And back in the day, I would've stayed in bed as long as I absolutely could have before I had to go.

So there's something different about when you really connect with what your dream is, what that goal that vision is. You are definitely in it. You're motivated and you're excited, and there's such a different, there's such a passion around it. And so I think that with some of that slowing down are sometimes the moments where we catch ourselves going, something's this isn't, something's wrong. Something's wrong. I don't know what this is.

Teresa: Cause when you're in it and you're doing it and you are like, and it was funny because I, I at Mary Hyatt, which people know, and she's a very dear friend, and it was actually Mary who said to me, “Hey, you need a therapist.” But this was months after my mom died.

Because what had happened is she'd passed away. I jumped into, so I'm one of three girls, but there was me and my other sister who were the organizers and who were the people who could manage this sort of stuff my eldest sister, that's not her bag. And so we jumped into sorting a funeral, planning this, doing this, doing that, sorting her house out, you know, literally things like getting people to clean it and sorting out how my dad gets shopping and how like getting him sorted with the bank card and all this.

Cause my mom literally did everything. And it wasn't until months later that I still wasn't kind of like, and, and I was all right, like I wasn't, again, I wouldn't have said I was depressed. I wasn't kind of, there wasn't anything really major, but it took my, a coach, someone who knows me on that level to go, something isn't right. You need to speak to someone.

And then since then, the stuff that we've talked about and unpacked and looked at and whatever, like genuinely makes me a much, much better person. So I was, I wanted to talk about, I wanted to talk briefly. I want you to explain some of the things you do to help, but I wanna talk about like some of the positives of this age.

Like cause that that's an amazing positive. Like I literally don't give a boots for any boots of me right? We love that If we've gone back to our 20 year old self and said that, or even to my daughter now who's just turning 13. Like. Oh God. Could you imagine what people they'll turn into if that was the case?

Jennifer: That's just it. It's, it's the goal of the goal of the work and the goal of my, I think, platform and my mission is to create a space for women to feel so empowered that that literally goes backwards. It's that ripple effect that the more empowered I am, the more my daughter sees me in that state and yours and that in your state.

And when we are making progress for ourselves and standing in that power, I want women to be doing this before I did. I don't want them to be 40 and 50 before they finally go, I'm not about this bs I'm done. Yeah. So for me it's really about empowering that. Like what is good, what is happening right now, what I'm, I'm done dealing with.

I don't care if you don't like me, if I'm not your, your flavored, there's a million that's, and that's beautiful. And so now I just lovingly like blessed and release if I'm not your cup of tea, that's okay. There's many right? There's a different sort of confidence and power that comes in midlife that I think is really beautiful.

And I said, you know, one of my philosophies is a really spiritual belief, but it's like, I think midlife people are doing this work because we're, we've been prepared. So I think our experience and wisdom, even though there are challenges that we can face, We've actually been prepared. That's why they happen in this state, in life.

So we, so one of the things is look at your, look at your wisdom. Look at how you have gleaned so much experience, wisdom, relationship, growth, evolution at this state. You're coming in and you are actually packed full of so much beauty. And it can get, like I said, we can sort of get lost in the weeds if it starts getting covered by, by things that are stressful and the challenge, like I get that and there is still so much beauty in there.

And like you said, that confidence, the power, the things that come with midlife. I just, it's like, I think sometimes we're also more willing to risk if we have an awakening. We're like, I'm willing to risk more cuz I, what, what am I gonna lose? I've been, I've made it this far and I've dealt with all those things.

I now see with perfect clarity, how resilient I am. I can face parent loss, I can face illnesses, I can face all these different things and look at where I am. I can do this. And that's a confidence. You can't give someone in their twenties and sometimes even their thirties. Right? So it's just really powerful to me to look at.

By now, you're probably picking the things in your world that you really value. You're diving more deeply into like, I'm gonna pick from my values, not just what I think I should do. So now my friendships are more deep. I'm less, I'm less afraid to say to somebody, I really love you, I just met you.

And like, you just feel like a friend. Yeah. Like, like I would've done that when I was 20 and 30. I would've gotten in my head, I've been like, she's gonna think I'm a total weirdo.

Teresa: Yes or that thing would be rejected. And someone going, yeah, no, not me.

You're so right. I think we forget about all the stuff we've been through, all the stuff we've managed, all the, all the things that have built our resilience to the point of, like I said, you know, I won't put up with those people. I no longer like, God, I, when I think about some of the friends I say with air quotes that I used to have in my twenties and even thirties.

And the way they treated me and the way they spoke to me and the type of people they were right. And now I think not in a not in a like million years. Yeah. Would I consider putting up with that rubbish? Like No way. The other thing that really makes laugh is I had, I got a really good friend.

He's a lovely, lovely guy. And he is like, see he's my husband's neighbor. And so I'm like the added friend cuz obviously I met my husband and then he was their friends. But my friend James is so funny because I remember he came around like, so I've been my husband for eight years. And so I was still learning it then.

And he came round and he was like, what you doing tomorrow? Whatever. I said, oh, we've gotta go to Christing. What do you mean? I was like, I don't wanna go, God, it's just be awful. It's this and he's like, well, don't go. And I'm like, I've gotta go. Well, you haven't. And I was like, well, I have cause, but all people say's like, you care what they say.

Your Time your life and I just didn't get it. And I looked at him like, if only, and now no, if I don't wanna do it, I don't do it. And you know what, like it's really interesting because my sister, I have this conversation with her cuz she does the majority of the care for my dad.

And I say, you have a choice. And she says, I don't. I'm like you do. You might not like the choices, they might not be comfortable choices but you always have a choice. And she came to me a few months back and said, “You've got to have dad this Christmas.” I had him last year that Tracy had him four months, she insisted.

Well, first off, that was never a discussion. No one ever said to me, oh, we're taking it in turns. This will be your turn soon and I said, no. And some people just think you're so mean. That's your dad, like your mom passed away. And I said, no. I said, because, I said one, we have a very complicated Christmas cause we share children with other parents.

And two, I don't like being told what to do. Like if, like if it was my decision, I'm not gonna do something because you've told me I've got to do it because I'm a grownup now. Then I literally only feel like it in the last five years. But like, yes, I'm a grownup. I can make my own decisions.

And my, I'm doing the best I can with the tools I have and you are doing the same. I'm choosing to make a decision to say, no, I'm not willing to do that. I, for various reasons, I might do something else. I might, you know, but I'm not committing to saying yes, I'm now part of this.

Comes the wheel of, you've gotta have to add a mark, you've gotta have that. Like, no, I'm not doing it. And like some people won't get that and they won't understand and they'll think I'm horrible and selfish, then that's okay. But, and that we've gotta be, we've gotta think about us. And I think we don't do that enough, do we?

Jennifer: No, we don't. And I think that's a piece of some of that being willing to give up the BS in midlife creates space to stand more truly and authentically in who you are. Things like that, where you were like, look, it's not about not loving my dad. This is what fits for myself and my family.

That's about boundaries. That's about knowing yourself enough to know what fills you up and what's gonna feel good for your holiday. Like that's, that's really important and that's a piece of what we really start figuring out in midlife is, how do I do this? How do I start to choose myself again?

And that's what I, when I get my clients and they're fired up and they're starting coaching with me, I'm like, oh, cuz that energy, cuz they're like, I'm ready to change. I'm tired of this. I'm like, yes. That's almost what we have to, we always have to get so frustrated or so like, understanding that we are completely disconnected anymore and we're, we're checking boxes for kind of everybody else.

And we're like, I, I'm, so, I'm so done with this. Like, why am I continuing to do the same thing I've done in my life if it's not bringing me joy, if it's not lighting my soul on fire as my kids start to go away or I start to age, or these things are reflections of where I'm at in my life. I wanna start to really live in my own light.

I wanna start driving my own direction again and start doing those things for me. And that is not selfishness. That is literally self care. And I would hope by midlife we're starting to work out. Like that's actually boundaries and self care. That's not selfish. That is deep sense insight and self-awareness.

Absolutely. And we need to rename that, right? And that's where I said midlife and in revolutionizing it, let's rename that. That's not selfish, that that's self care. That's a shame that we think about it in that, in that way ever because it's not.

Teresa: A hundred percent. And if you think about like, and I know this might be a bit, you know, a bit dark or whatever, but for me, one thing that was really interesting when my mom passed away was my mom was a very negative character in the sense of, Life was dreadful, everything was awful. We don't have anything. It's not there, you know, so and so well, they do this and that's negative if they've done well.

And I remember, and I've said this on the podcast before, I'm sure, but I remember thinking after she died, she died fairly young. She was 67, so she wasn't like, you know, it's young and, and I remember thinking what was the point? Like what was the point in your life? Like she just was so miserable. And then you just died. Like, and I even, and I said, and I've had this conversation with my therapist and I even had the conversation with my dad not that long ago, and I said to my dad, like, she used to revel in there.

She, she loved it like in a really weird way. She loved being that miserable. And I said to my dad, do you think if she knew she was gonna die when she did, she would be different? He went, no, I barely finished the sentence. And he went, I don't think she would've. And I was like, well, yeah, that's amazing that you, you know, you think that too.

But, but I just thought, what's the point? And, and I know that, you know, we don't wanna sit here and like, you know, I'm only 43 for great sake. I'm not, you know, heading off anytime soon, but I don't wanna think like, I don't wanna resent the stuff I've done for people because I feel like I have to do it or feel like I didn't get to live my life because I was living other people's life or doing.

And it's, again, it's that balance of like, yeah, it might sound selfish, but it's not. It's about, you know, I don't want my children to do that for me. I want my children to go and be gone and live the most amazing life, whatever they want to.

Jennifer: That's right. That's right.

Teresa: I put no expectations on them and therefore I didn't want any expectations on me. Like, don't get me wrong, I go and see my dad every week and, you know, spend time with him and hang out with him. I think he's a so lovely to this, but I make that decision cuz that fits with me and my choice family and how that works.

So, we're running a time and I'm so conscious of your time and you know, obviously you guys know on the podcast that like Jen is I think, well I don't know if you are. No, I think I've got one more after this. I'm more interested after you Jen, but, so I feel like I'm really milking the interview because you know there's not gonna be any more after this for a while.

So tell us like, so if you are sat listening to this and you're resonating with some of the stuff we said, which honestly I think even with someone like me and Jen who have the support and the help and the coaches and the even us, still a lot of it resonates and we're working on it. We're doing the work like. This isn't like, you know, do this one thing like…

Jennifer: We're not like, oh, you should go do all these things and we don't do it. No, no. Like I'm doing all the stuff. I'm encouraging my coaching clients to do. I get healing services, I do my own personal work, like incessantly. So Yeah. Well said. Yeah, we're having to do it.

Teresa: So, yeah. So if someone's sat there listening to talk to them about what you do and some of the tools and things you have to help people with this.

Jennifer: Yeah, so my approach is, you know, the foundation of the clinical work that I've done is like such a blessing because it just, I have a really expanded experience and wisdom based on all those interactions with clients and their stories, which are incredible.

There's such a blessing and so to me it's a real privilege to, to kind of come in and do this work as a coach. With this underlying awareness about what people go through and also the similarities between all of us that, that actually connect us more deeply. So we're much more alike than we think we are, which I love that philosophy.

I think the thing that I really started doing was leading into, you know, energy services and things like that. So I started with yoga, certification and training, and meditation is a specialty of mine. And then I went and got Reiki certified. Cause I'm like, well, if I'm gonna call myself an energy healer, which I didn't know I was one until I was 40, I better have some foundation in it.

So I started sort of garnering these different kind of, you know, energetic tools. And what I really do that I think is my philosophy that might be slightly different than other coaches or, or people that are out there doing this work. One is, is the experience I have, but then two is that I look at people in a very kind of yogic philosophy and as we're made up of layer.

So there's an outer layer, there's a thought layer, an emotion layer, right? So there's all these intuitive wisdom, heart, right? So what I am passionate about doing is helping people heal through all those different layers. So very often, even if we're going to psychotherapy, psychotherapy is gonna attend towards the thoughts and the emotions.

Right? So very impactful. I'm not dismissing psychotherapy. I did it for over 20 years. Obviously think it's a beautiful, a beautiful thing to go do for yourself, and there's different modalities that actually dive into those layers that help us heal more effectively. And if we're not looking at that energetic piece, that's one of those sort of unspoken, unsung superheroes is our energy.

Like we forget that that's, people are reading us before we ever speak a word. Our energy precedes us, right? And everything is energy. Our, when we talk, you and I have great energy like this is right. We have this really wonderful synchronicity to how we connect that is one of the gifts of our experience is energy.

And what I find is a lot of people don't, they miss it. They don't realize that they're actually able to harness their energy and use it for their good. And so people feel really kind of like victim, like, I just have to show up and I have to deal with whatever comes my way. And it's like, no, no, no, no. You actually kinda get to be the boss.

And so you get to be the boss by harnessing and, and working in those layers. So things like meditation. Getting clear about what your energetic signature is, because everyone is different. That's, that's a more comprehensive way to look at purpose and why you're here than a task or a role. It's a lot, right?

So what I do is I sit with people and we do look at your unique talents, your gifts, your, your foundational value set. We're looking at all those pieces and, and then we go and do some work about what makes you, who you are with other people. So it's kind of a, it's a process that I walk people through and then when they start getting that, we start going through and really finding the themes where you shine in the world, like in a really profound way.

And it ends up coming out as a much more of an energetic signature so that it looks like something like I am whatever your energetic signature is, and I offer this brilliance in the world using my tools of blank. So it's very much like by the time we're done, you're walking away with this really clear emission statement because no matter what you do, your energetic signature is always running around with you.

So it doesn't matter what lane I'm in, how I'm offering my stuff, that is always going to show up with me. So it's like my Angelou quote, she said, people will forget what you said, they'll forget what you did but they will never forget how you made them feel. That is exactly the work that I'm doing with people.

I want you to understand how people feel when they're in your presence that precedes you and it's there long after you're gone. And so to me, people having a deep understanding and awareness about that part of who they are is like, is a, is a game changer. Now that I know mine, I could never not know it.

So no matter where I am, that's how I'm gonna show up in the world. How can I harness that and best deliver that to create a legacy and impact in the world.

Teresa: So good. And like, like you're so right in the sense of I've just made some changes in the business to better reflect and be in line with my values.

And there's scary changes. I've just increased more than double the price of pretty much everything I offer. Like, and some people might look at that and go, oh God, that's a bit yuck and a bit whatever. But I am like, Oh, thank goodness, thank goodness it finally feels like it's sitting with me and it finally feels like it's making sense.

And one thing that was really interesting that I've been working through is when I first came into this world, into the online world, I looked to other people. So I looked at other people's stuff and went, they're doing it this way. I've gotta do it this way. Well see, this is just my example and it comes to my business. But so I did, didn't align, didn't fit.

So then I did the complete opposite because I then got so jaded with how the online world look. Okay, I'm not gonna do what they do, but I'm not just not gonna do what they do. I'm gonna do complete opposite so then suddenly, I dropped on the prices and I did all this stuff and, and that didn't fit either.

And it was like I was constantly working in someone else's energy or someone else's kind of values or, and it's taken and I am like you know, eight years into business there, like it has taken that long for me to finally go, oh, I could just do what I feel is right. Exactly. And I know that like some people will listen to this and be like, really? The energy thing?

But honestly it's, and take that for whatever you want it to be like. It's just a feeling of that feels right. I feel good. I feel happy. Like, and even though in the past me would've been terrified to go, yeah, my membership's gonna be like $220 a month and my, you know, group coaching, small group coaching is $444 a month and the only at month one it's just short of 10 grand, a third, 90 days.

Like there's a part of me that would've wanted a vomit at that, literally vomit. But no, I'm, I feel really good saying that, which in turn means the energy I'm presenting behind it shows up completely different.

Jennifer: That's a little bit, that's exactly right, is that if you're standing in your own power, if you're standing in your own strengths, if you're standing in your own awareness, you are truly honoring yourself and your vision. Every single personality feels it.

My energy getting up every day right now. My excitement, enthusiasm when I'm sharing my lives, when I'm coaching those people feel it all the way to their bones. Back in the day when I was trudging to go to psychotherapy, were people still healing? Yes. Was I a hundred percent no.

Like, so, so, and they knew, they knew. I had a client say to me, literally, she goes, Jen, you know what I, she goes, are you okay? And I said, yeah. I said, why? Well, what makes you ask? And she said, you don't laugh as much anymore. Done. It was literally one of the most pivotal two sentence kind of conversations I had because I knew if that's the soul, I am all about humor.

I'm all about laughter and joy and vibrancy and radiance. And so if I'm showing up here and I'm, I'm coming into this and I'm kind of like, not really present. I'm not really enjoying it. I'm not having that much joy. Something is wrong and she's picking up my energy. She's picking it up. She is intuiting in me that I have changed and something's amiss.

People feel that in us, so they also feel your joy and your light and your excitement and your passion. So that's exactly right. If it aligns for you and it feels so good, every single thing that you offer, then is in that exact same energy. It's, it's so palpable to people and they feel it and and they trust it because you trust it.

So when you trust yourself, someone else trusts you. And when you lean in, they lean in. So it's, it's this really beautiful synchronicity of, of when we really step in that space. It is, it is creating a powerful, energetic experience for other people as well. There is something really powerful about that.

Teresa: I love it. Jen, you are a beautiful soul with stunning energy and she looks gorgeous FYI and, and I think, are you older than me, Jen?

Jennifer: I'm 48. Yeah. Yep.

But that was it cuz you, I saw you with your teenage children. I was like, no, that can't be true. That you look stunning and then, and I haven't done my hair today and I feel now bad. Like I should've do my hair because Jen looks so beautiful. Anyway.

It's my morning here, doll.

Teresa: It will be five o'clock here.

Jennifer: I might give you some credit, but No, you are beautiful.

Teresa: We'll pretend that I did actually do my hair and then it just got off pass and I just didn't do it. Jen, we will obviously up everything in the show notes, but where do you hang out most? Where can people come and say hi?

Jennifer: I think the safest bet is just my website, which is just, it's laughinglotuswellness.com. That's such a mouthful. Laughinglotuswellness.com. I really should've maybe thought about that when I was giving it up, but ..

Teresa: Well we used to Live and Learn.

Jennifer: And I'm just on all social medias in in Laughing Lotus Wellness, so it's really easy. Just wherever you go tap that in and I'm around so people can easily find me there.

Teresa: Jen, thank you so much. I knew this would be beautiful and I really appreciate you.

Jennifer: Teresa, I adore you, and this was literally just the magic that I thought it would be. So thank you so much for having me, my sweet friend. It's an honor.

Teresa: There we go. There was the lovely Jen. I really hope you enjoyed the episode. Please go and give it some love on social media. If you have not reviewed me, that would be amazing. What a lovely Christmas gift that would be. Thank you so very much, and I will see you next week.