Today’s episode of the podcast is all about the challenges of balancing personal life and business when things are not going as planned.
In this episode I discuss how as business owners our personal and business lives can be very much intertwined, and I share my top tips around what to do when managing both feels incredibly difficult.
I'd love to know if this episode helped, and whether you had any lightbulb moments whilst listening to it? Please feel free to drop me a DM on my social media and let me know!
KEY TAKEAWAYS COVERED IN THE PODCAST
- Practical action you can take to keep moving forward
- Being able to prioritise what needs to be done
- The importance of giving yourself grace and practicing self-care
LINKS TO RESOURCES MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE
You are listening to Your Dream Business Podcast, and as always, I am your host, Teresa Heath-Wareing, and welcome to today's episode. How are you doing? So? I am recording this episode on the Wednesday before it goes out on the Monday, which is very unlike me. But one thing I pride myself on is being honest and upfront and showing you that business is not always the Instagram dream that we want it to be.
And these last few weeks I have really, really struggled to get myself organized and get things ahead of time. In fact, I haven't sent an email to my list for two weeks, I think now. And before that I was sending it like, I think I was just about sending it consistently as I normally do on a Tuesday and a Thursday.
But I have had a ton of stuff in these last six weeks. Like, work stuff from traveling to meetings, to being away from home for like two and a half weeks in the States, and then being back, and then being away up in, Newcastle, doing my own in-person events, doing other people's events. And then I have had a lot go on in my personal life, and it's not to say that I wanna sit here and share with you all, not that I don't normally share, but some of these things that have happened are not my stories to tell.
But the reason I wanted to mention it again, is not for sympathy. It's not for people going, is everything okay? And you know, like anything that I really don't want you to do that, that's fine and I am fine. I think the reason I wanna talk about it is because, or the reason I've brought it up is because stuff happens in our life.
And what do we do when literally it feels like the world is falling apart around you and you are still trying to show up and run your business? Because that is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do, ever. I was thinking about this, so I did a coaching call with my executive club members and we're really kind of changing up how things are happening.
And in fact, I came back from the States completely fired up of like, right, loads of changes are happening and then personal life kind of fell a bit on the floor and that all got shelved, obviously. But one of the things that is gonna change in the club is, is how I'm showing up and what I'm doing and, and I guess being more of the coach that I am, And doing more of that.
So I asked the members before my last coaching call if they could change one thing or like manage one thing better with them or their business that would make infinitely like an easier life for them or lead to them having a better business, what would it be? And you know what was fascinating is they all said different things, but it almost all boiled down to such similar stuff.
Now in my world, I, and actually in the executive club, we only have females. Not because I only have females, but that's only females in the club. And they, a lot of them have children and a lot of them said, if I could just be more organized, if I could not have procrastination, if I could just focus a bit better, if I could not feel guilty about, you know, spending time with my family when I spend it with them and then feel guilty about spending time at, won't wanna spend it with them.
And it kind of reconfirmed to me, not only with what's happened in my world, but them as well. That actually your personal life and your business life when you are a business owner are like literally so intertwined. It's unbelievable. And how do you manage that? You know it's great when things are fine, but how do you manage it when things aren't fine?
And quite honestly, you want to go and hide in bed and you don't wanna be a grownup anymore. And you don't wanna be an adult and you've done enough adulting and you want to now be a child that someone looks after.. Cuz sometimes that sounds really, really lovely. But not only do you have to adult, but you have to be your boss as well.
And you have to motivate yourself. You have to be your cheerleader and you have to be the person who cracks the whip, and you have to be the person who does the work. And it's hard, and I'm not even gonna pretend for a second, it isn't. It is one of the hardest things I have to do. So, When life doesn't quite go as planned, and I've talked about this on before on the podcast, as you will know if you are a long listener or have been in my world a long time.
My mom passed away a few years back and actually as I record this, tomorrow is her birthday, and, and I recorded an episode around then basically saying that, How do you manage when hard things happen? Because obviously that was a really hard thing that happened in my life and, and I thought, oh, should I do another one that's similar?
And I thought, yeah, because it constantly changes and how I deal with things constantly changes. So I think the first thing I kind of think about, and when I talk to my members, so when they say to me, I wish I could be more organized. I wish I didn't procrastinate, and then they talk to me about what is happening in their life.
I have a huge amount of empathy for them in the sense of you know, they could be fighting and dealing with some big stuff in their life, and therefore, the first thing I asked them to do, and the first thing I would ask you to do, and maybe this has hit you at a time you needed to hear this, is to give yourself grace.
If you were employed there is a fair chance you would just be off work. Okay. There is a fair chance you would say, I'm taking two weeks off. I need to sort myself out and I'll see you then. And you probably wouldn't think a whole lot about what was going on at work because you could potentially just hand that over and someone else would pick it up or it'd have to get done. And that's not your concern.
You can't always do that when it's your business. But I do want to encourage you where possible to start to really address and review, what do you have to do? Now, you know, I'm all about pushing people forward, getting your goals, achieving the next best things, doing the stuff.
But one thing, and I think I mentioned it last week when I gave the review of the Kajabi conference and Brendon Burchard one thing, and I think the word he used was motion and always making sure you're in motion. Now that motion doesn't mean constantly thriving or constantly growing or constantly building and selling more and doing more things.
Motion can mean doing the bare minimum you have to do to get by. That is okay. And if life is throwing you all the absolute rubbish and it will do. And I guess lots of my members and lots of people in my community are similar age to me. So I'm 44 and I think you get to this point in your life and your kids are growing up or you know, and they're bringing issues to your door and then your parents are getting old and that causes other issues and.
Like the, I just feel like this is a, a stage of life and a season of life where suddenly there is a lot going on and, and so I just want to ask you to give yourself a bit of grace and to understand and to know you are not a superman or superwoman and you can't do everything. So if for the next week or two weeks, or even for the first quarter of a year like I have done, or.
Even for a year, you don't start brand new stuff or you don't show up every whatever and do all the stuff that is okay. What you need to do is continue with your business and ensure it makes money so that you have a business, and if that means doing the bare minimum, then that's fine. And what I mean by bare minimum is, so in my world, in the online space, what do I have to show up for?
I have to show up for the stuff I've already committed to and for the stuff that my members do. So I have to show up for a coaching call. That is absolutely what I do. That's my job. If I put someone else in my place, they would really wonder what the hell was going on and they wouldn't like it. So I have to show up for my members, so that's fine.
I have to show up and do the podcast. I have to show up and be interviewed or talk on stage or do some events in other people's groups. That has to be me. I don't have to make some changes in my business. I don't have to start something new. I don't have to plan something huge for September or put on another date in the diary for an in-person event.
I don't have to do any of those things. I will not lose my income if I do tho, if I don't do those things, I can say no to speaking events. I could say no to being on other people's podcasts. So you have to decide how that looks for you. If you have clients, the very first thing you do and put the top of your list is work for your clients, cuz that is your money coming in.
So you've gotta think about where is the money coming in, what is the most important thing I do? The next thing. And I think these are kind of equal level. I don't think one actually is more important than the other is looking after yourself. How are you making sure that you are giving yourself some space or time or, kind of giving yourself the love that you need and the support you need and the care that you need?
And often, especially as women, especially as parents, we put ourselves last, like, you know, again, I, one of my true go-tos is if everything goes absolutely pear shaped in my life. I stop cooking, I stop planning food, I stop eating good stuff. And I like eating nice stuff. I like cooking food. But it's almost like, and I talk about this and I'm definitely gonna do a post about it, but it's almost like in your head you have a hundred percent.
Okay. And that a hundred percent is divided up into sections of your life. And for me, that looks like a chunk is my business, a chunk is my family, a chunk is my husband, a chunk is, you know, My self-care, a chunk is the stuff I do in the garden. A chunk might be the dogs, but what happens is when something massive happens.
So, for example, let's go back to the example of when my mom passed away, that suddenly took up 50% of my a hundred percent, okay, that took up 50%, which meant that everything else had to get squashed or taken out. I can't make more capacity in my head. I only had a hundred percent. So if I've only got a hundred percent and 50% has been taken up by the fact that something massive in your life has happened.
Suddenly other things are gonna be squeezed out and gone. So for instance, my health, my self care, my cooking for myself out the window, my tolerance with the dogs out the window. Other things like, so actually at one point, I was like, I can't even, and this is really sad and I got over this very quickly, but like I can walk around the garden and look at it, but I can't think of my to-do list of all the stuff I need to do.
So someone else just needs to manage that for the time being until I'm cool to come back and like take over my plants. Because the capacity in your head is being taken up. So it isn't a case of you have to find more capacity or if you need to double down further on things. It is a case of you only have a hundred percent and if something is suddenly taking up such a big percentage, you need to be realistic and go, where am I getting rid of those percents and then not beat yourself up about it.
So I don't beat myself up about the fact I haven't cooked a meal for a couple of weeks. I don't because right now, like and, and when you are in times of stress and life and all those good things, right now, if that's all you can manage and you have to live off takeaway, then that's fine. If right now you can't cope with doing all the additional things you do, then that's fine.
So I think that's the thing. I think it's about prioritizing what has to be done. Understanding that some stuff that don't have to be done are not going to get done, and you are not gonna make yourself feel guilty about that. And you are not gonna beat yourself up about that because your capacity in your head, your a hundred percent of attention, a huge chunk of it's now being taken up on something.
So it might be a sick parent, it might be a sick child, it might be. I don't know, problem with school or whatever it might be. There might be. So, it might be you that's not well or whatever. So those are the first two things. And then the third thing is to feel okay about that, but to make sure you don't stay there.
Because it would be really easy for lots of people to go, do you know what? This has happened, and then this has happened, and then this has happened. And believe me, I've got some people in my world that I am gobsmacked they're still standing like, and not only are they still standing, they're still showing up, they're still doing work, they're still working hard on their business.
And sometimes I have to say to those people, I think you need to just like just take a breath and stop for just a day. And some people will find every excuse under the sun not to get stuff done. And I think only you and only them can understand which of those people they are and it's only you or them that has to deal with that.
It's not my business that would be affected if I don't show up like. If I, sorry, it's not my business it's being affected if they don't show up, it's their business. So I can only do what I can do for me and my business. The same for you. And. If you are one of those people that maybe go, okay, yeah, I've used every excuse under the sun to not show up and do the work, then ask yourself, why am I doing that?
Why have I used every excuse under the sun to not shove and work. Sometimes when life goes awry, work is my happy place. Work is the place I come to and I do even more work because actually it's the one thing in my world that feels very under control. If you are the person that is trying to keep moving and keep that motion going when all about you is going to shit, then you need to ask yourself, do I need to take some time?
And if I do need to take some time, what am I gonna, how long am I gonna take and what am I gonna do? So for instance, one of my Exec Club members, is dealing with some stuff at the moment and we kind of said to her, she definitely needs to take the next day off to just be.
But also in her head, be prepared to take the next, further two days off and make sure that everything in your world is gonna be fine if you are not around for the next three days. But I think for me anyway, I have to have a deadline to it. Now, one of the things that's really helpful in my world is I do have to show up.
A podcast has to go out every week, and normally I'm very, ahead of time, which would give me a bit of breathing space. But at the moment I'm not. So I do have to show up. I do have to do the work. I do have to, do a coaching call with the exec Club members. I do have to do stuff in the club.
And luckily I have done a lot of the work and I've used a lot of tools and I come out of stuff fairly quickly, which is good. But if I didn't have that thought in my head of, right, okay, Teresa, you can stay and watch Grey's Anatomy all day if you want on that particular day and not feel guilty about it. But that's one day only, and tomorrow you have to do something.
And it's funny, I'm sat here thinking, you know, feeling a little bit vulnerable, having this conversation with you, sort of saying, to myself, should I be sat here going? I've got it all sussed. I'm all great. I'm all brilliant. But no, I shouldn't be saying that because that would be admitting that life doesn't happen and life does happen and big and horrible and throw you off your path and knock you off your feet stuff happen.
Whether we like it or not, and when you are your business, they have a direct impact on you. Now, I do have this saying, which I fairly confident I stole from someone about sharing the scar and not the wound. And I do feel like I do that. So obviously if I wasn't in a good place, I wouldn't be recording this podcast because I wouldn't be in the mood or have the energy or the capacity to do it.
But I am recording the podcast, so I am absolutely fine. But that's not to say that if you had come and spoke to me a week ago that that would've been the case, you know? And hence why I'm probably recording this a bit later than I'd like. So I guess in this very short and odd episode, I wanted to say that first off, you will have to deal with stuff in your life that absolutely knocks you off your feet.
It's gonna happen. As much as I would love to wish that it never happened to any of us, I know it does. It's happening and happened to me. It's happening to my members, and things will come along and knock you off your feet. At those times there is nothing wrong with pulling in a bit and looking at what do I have to do to get me through and not feeling like you have to thrive at every point and moment in your life because you don't.
It's also useful to take your time to look after you, not only what's the minimum I have to do in the business, but what's the minimum I have to do for me, like I've just got back into my morning routine again because again, I threw it out the window when everything goes awry. I can't think of doing those things.
And maybe I would move out of it much, much quicker if I did continue with my routine, but I can't, and I don't, and I'm not gonna beat myself up about it. But for the last few days, I've got up, I've done my meditation, I've done my, me journaling and, and I'm feeling good. So, doing what you need to do is the next thing.
And then thinking about setting a limit on it, saying to yourself, obviously you'll have to see what happens in your world, but I'm gonna give myself this time and I'm not gonna feel guilty about it, and then I'm gonna try again. And you know what? And if you try again and you can't, then you stop again.
Because if you are broke, you don't have a business. So even if it's not you, the person that needs the additional help or is sick, or whatever the thing might be, if you are a broken person because of it all and because you're trying to do everything. Your business is not gonna succeed. But by slowing down and stopping just even for a short period of time can then reset you enough to bring you back and bring your energy back.
So I really hope that helps. I hope maybe some of you needed to hear this now and some of you needed to go, okay, yeah, I need to breathe a second. And also not feel like you're the worst person in the world because you are not constantly growing and thriving and doing all these things. Because in honesty, that's absolute bull.
Like I don't see it. I don't see people who say they do that as reality. Because if they do, then wow, what a life they must live in. Or maybe they just don't have people close to them in their world that stuff happens too. So anyway, I really hope that this has helped. It's a little bit of a weird one. I really wanna get some feedback from you and I'm hoping you will DM me or tag me in on a social media post and tell me what you want me to talk about.
I have got some ideas and some thoughts coming up for podcast episodes, but I really wanna know what do you wanna talk about? This podcast for you. Like don't get me wrong, I love doing it, but I not doing it for me. I do it for you to listen to. So what do you need help with? How can I help you? What would you like me to talk about in the podcast?
Okay. If you enjoyed this episode, and you liked the podcast and you've never given me a review, I would really, very much appreciate a lovely five star review over on Apple. I think Spotify do it too. And if you think this was helpful and there's maybe someone in your world that needs to hear this episode, please, please, please go and share it with them.
I'm sending you so much love and support and I will see you next week.