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Can you really have it all?

Today’s episode of the podcast is all about whether you can really have it all!

For those of you who have been listening for a while, you’ll know that I’m fed up with the lies being spun by the online world to get you to spend money with them; and it’s got me thinking about whether you really can have it all.

Tune in now to hear me share my thoughts on whether having it all is a marketing lie, an unrealistic goal, or something that we should all aspire to achieve.

As always, I’d love to know what resonates with you and what you think, so please feel free to connect with me on my social media!

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Transcript

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the podcast. How are you doing? So, a couple of weeks ago I had little rants on my Instagram stories. Because I got, I got distracted with some things online as we do, and in fact, I hadn't looked at it. Someone had pointed it to my attention, which is sometimes a little bit frustrating because of the fact of, I purposely mute things so I don't get distracted.

Anyway, and basically it was someone making out like their life is perfect and their business is perfect and they've got it all sussed and everything is wonderful and you can have what I have if you pay me money type thing. You've seen it before. We know this world very, very well. And it's got me thinking about the kind of can you really have it all?

Like, is this a unrealistic goal we are setting for ourselves? Is it something that people lie about or is it something that we can actually have? And I guess the first thing that I have to think about in answering this is what does that really have it all mean? And the truth is it means something different to everybody.

My version of having it all, whatever that sentence means, could be completely different to your version. And this is something that I am like championing again and again and again. That it is very hard for people in the online space offering a program or a service that's a one size fits all to justify, justify is not the right word to well, in my mind how they can promote that it'll work for everybody. Cuz it can't because you are different. I'm different. We learn different ways. We have different things that, you know, change our lens on life and what's important or how we see things.

So I am becoming more and more passionate about doing smaller group stuff. Now, I won't lie. When I first started in this online world, I believed that having it all meant having a humongous audience and a humongous membership, and this dream of recurring income, which meant that I could sit on a beach and work, which as we all know, is not as easy as people make out.

And I dreamed and, and imagined that that's what I wanted. And I tried really hard in the early days to get out there, build my audience, do all that stuff. And as time's gone on, I've come to realize two things, three things, many things. First, I've realized that it's not as easy as everybody makes out. Fact.

You know that, you know that I happily promote this. Two, it doesn't necessarily work like doing things on mass, mass thing doesn't work and often people don't take into account you. Well, they can't take into account you and what you like and who you are and your background and your view on the world.

And when they do try to do that on a mass level, it's damaging. I have come to learn that we are so complex. We have individual lives and upbringings and experiences and traumas and all of this sort of stuff, and opinions and views and impacts on our life that when someone tries to do something on a mass level. Like, let's just take someone like Tony Robbins when he basically says, you know, you've gotta get up and you've gotta do the work and you're being lazy. Uh, like I'm not quoting him ver verbatim obviously, but when he says something like that, There could be a number of reasons why someone isn't hustling or doing the work or showing up as they should be.

So many reasons and that is so damaging cuz what if you are depressed? What if you have a chronic fatigue illness? What if something? You know, you are hustling at the detriment of your family or your health or that is damaging. So, like I said, one reason I've come away from it is cuz I realized that it wasn't as kind of available as people would like to make out.

Two, I just don't like it. Like I don't wanna be a number. I like to be seen. And as you know, I say this all the time that I like the, the phrase that I stole from Mary, my coach. I see you, I hear you, you matter. That's how I like to feel. If I give my money to someone, I wanna be seen, I wanna be noticed, I want to be included.

And whether that's a group thing or not, I've just done a group vision board workshop over the weekend, a couple of weekends ago. And even though it was a group, it wasn't a humongous group. I think there was like 40 odd people there. Even though it was group, I felt seen, I felt I was given time. I could ask questions.

I'm also doing another thing. I'll share it on my socials. It's, it's in a you work. It's, I'm doing some pretty heavy stuff at the moment, which will all come to light, I'm sure in future episodes. But for me, You know, again on that, there's like a hundred people on that call of a Thursday night when I get on it.

But he allows people to talk and give their thoughts and he listens to them and, and the community supportive. And so again, like it, some of these things can be done in, in a way, but on a mass level can't be. So, like I said, that became really important to me, having spent all this money with all these people who literally wouldn't know me from odd then, which is sometimes a lie cuz actually.

Some of them do know me, but it's because I've put myself in front of them. If it was down to me communicating in a Facebook group or then I'm rubbish, there's no way on this earth I'd be able to do that cuz that is just not me and how I work. I like talking to people. I really struggle with online communities, which is weird cuz I have one, but hence where I do coaching calls and things where I physically speak to people and sometimes people will ask question and I'll voice DM them an answer.

So they might ask a question in the group and then I like do a voice DM to them personally or in the group or whatever. Anyway, so I, I've come to realize that I don't want to offer that mass thing because actually it doesn't work. It's damaging and unless you are literally saying like, “How do I do this thing?”

And they give like a very practical response, then I don't know how people really develop from that. Also, with the courses and things, the only course I offer is a very practical course and it's a follow me along, so there's always an element of me live, so I can give you my thoughts and opinions. So yeah.

I've decided that I want a smaller thing and I wanna push the one-to-one more because of the fact that I know that's how you get results. So I've changed up my coaching packages in the sense of, you can now just approach me about coaching and we can work something out from a time and, and, you know, kind of what you're looking for, point of view.

So anyway, the whole reason I got down this whole rant of, of me and my business and, and not doing mass stuff is because I'm talking about can you ha really have it all? And like I said, the very first thing is, well, what does that mean to you? So having it all, for some people will be earning a modest amount of money that provides them with the life that they want.

It might be providing them with a good amount of money, but only working part-time. It might be that my version of having it all is earning a huge amount of money and flying around the world every other week. So that's the first thing. It's getting clear on, you know, what is your all, what is it that you really, really want?

And then can you have it? Is it a fallacy? Is it real? Can it actually be a thing? Well, I think when I was thinking about this, because I have just come on to like just pour out my brain on this subject, but when I was thinking about it, I think there's always an element of compromise. There has to be an element of compromise. Because we all know that when you choose to do one thing, you're stopping yourself doing something else.

So there are times in my world and in my life where I feel like I've had one thing really under control and really good and successful and some other thing has not been quite that way. So I feel like it is a kind of well, I had some training in the club once and he talked, it, talked about it in terms of like a work life negotiation.

And I do feel like that's what it is. It's about having almost like what's the minimum I'm willing to put up with? What's the minimum that I want for my life? And then anything else is a bonus like. If you are going to grow your business to a certain point, you know that you might have to spend less time with the family, or you might have to spend less time with friends or having downtime.

You know there's gonna be an element of that. And if that's short-lived, then that's fine. And if you know it's gonna be short-lived and that's the objective, then fine. However, if that's everything always, then maybe not. But again, it depends what you want. If that's what having it all looks like to you.

Cuz some people, they'll just want the money in the career and that's it. They will have it all. Some people want the family and the downtime and working part-time stuff. So again, like I said, it really, really depends what having it all means to you. But I think, like I said, whatever that looks like to you, you need to have some kind of, I'm not willing to drop below these.

Like I know I might have sync or I know things are not where they should be if I am dropping below this. So for me, in terms of having it all, I think I have to think about things like, do I have a job that I flip in love? A hundred percent? Like I love what I do. I talk about this all the time. I'm really, really grateful for the members I've got.

The beautiful humans that are in my world, that I've made friends from them that, you know, I hang out with them. That these are people that I want in my world. So I've got that. I have a beautiful house and a lovely husband and you know, lovely children and pets and that sort of thing, so, Yeah, you could argue like, have I, you know, I have it all from my view of what that is.

But the thing is, does that mean that it's always perfect? It's always the Instagram dream that everyone makes it out to be. Absolutely not. Like so far from it, it's not true. I think this is the thing. It's damaging when people go on to go, look, I've got this amazing, perfect life cuz there is no such thing as a perfect life.

There's no such thing as perfection unless you are happy in the mess. Like, you know, because there's always gonna be something that comes and knocks you off your feet. There's always gonna be something that throws a spanner in the works that changes your direction or your thoughts on things. And I think it's about being truthful and going, do you know what?

Yeah, I think I have a really good basis. Does that mean everything's perfect? No. Does that mean I can go on Instagram and be like, I've got it all people, if you want the same. And some people might look at what I've got and think that's what I want. And that's cool if that's the case. But it doesn't mean that it's easy.

It doesn't mean that like I'm living the dream over here far from it. It means that, you know, I'm working hard every day to to create what I've got, and I learn every day and I have to tweak it every day. And things constantly shift and change, and I have to either shift and change with it, or I have to find out how to bring it back to where I want it to be.

So next time you're looking at someone's Instagram thinking, oh my God, like how perfect is their life? How amazing is this? Look at their business. It's not perfect. It's not what you imagine. Yes, they may on the surface, have the things that look phenomenal and brilliant and great, but the truth is they're gonna have things that aren't that great in their world.

And in my experience, the more time goes on, the bigger your business grows, the more successful you get. You'll deal with different things. So in the early days, it's different like you know, and you think to yourself, well, if I just get to this stage and suddenly everything will be alright. No, that's not the case.

Like, okay, yeah, you might get to that stage and tick, brilliant, you've done that, but then you're onto the next thing that's causing you the next problem. So if you are at the stage where you are just starting, your concerns are gonna be very different to someone. Or you know me, who has a team now and has done this for a while, as are gonna be different to someone who has a bigger team and earns even more money.

And has more outgoings, like everyone's got issues at every level. And in terms of having it all, I think there's an element of being grateful for what you've got. Being grateful for where you are today, enjoying the thing that you are doing, and loving what you are doing. And I think if you are there, then you can manage with the other things that come up.

You can manage when things don't quite go your way or when something gets thrown in your way to, you know, throw you off path or whatever. So, I do think you can have it all. You just need to define what that all is and you need to define how that looks for you. And not let someone else define that for you or not let someone else think or make you believe that because they are showing up on Instagram in a certain way that they've got it all.

Because believe me, they haven't. They really haven't. They've got the same issues and problems, maybe slightly different, but they've got issues and problems the same as everybody. So next time you are, start looking at them thinking “Wow!” and just know there is a whole lot of mess under there, as with everybody and everything, believe me.

So what do you think, I would love to hear from you. Do you think it's possible? What's your version of having it all? How do you see that? I think when people think that it's often like the family and the work and the money and that sort of thing. And again, I see that as a negotiation. I see that as a thing that sometimes I'm a really good mom and sometimes I'm a really good business person.

Am I the same at the same time? Not sure that is ever a case, but you know. But I'm not trying to be perfect. I'm not trying to get to that point because I know it's that negotiation. So tell me, what is your dream of having it all? How does that look to you? Have you got it? Do you think it's possible? I would love to hear back from you.

Please feel free to drop me a DM. I love having conversations with you and I'm interested to see what you have to say. Okay. I will leave you to it for another week. These new episodes really short and sweet, but I hope that you're enjoying them. Please let me know. I'd like to get some feedback on that as well. I just generally love hearing from you all, so please feel free to reach out and speak to me.

Also, if there is someone that you think could really do with hearing this podcast, this particular episode or another episode, please share it. I would be so, so very grateful if you would share this with your community. That would just be wonderful. Okay. Have a wonderful rest of your week and I will see you next week.