Why real joy can be found by staying in your own lane

Today’s episode of the podcast is a solo episode, where I talk about why comparison is the thief of joy and how staying in our own lanes is the key to success. This is something that I have had to learn to focus on over the years, but it has helped me massively! I talk about how to know what your lane is and what it looks like, and when to look at what your competitors are doing and when not to. This episode addresses some of the struggles we all feel and offers some practical ways to overcome those struggles.KEY TAKEAWAYS COVERED IN THE PODCAST:

  • Why comparison doesn’t serve you, and is the worst thing you can do
  • Knowing what success looks like to you, and what your goals are
  • The importance of goal setting
  • The ways we can let our ego get in our way
  • Being realistic about what you can achieve
  • How work isn’t everything and rest is essential
  • The importance of celebrating every win, no matter the size


Keep focussed on your own goals, know what you are working on – and remember, you are a rock star and you have totally got this!


  • Practical ways you can stop the comparison and make sure you stay in your lane
  • The mistakes I made this year, because not setting my goals, resulted in me having no lane
  • Take everything you see with a pinch of salt because it’s never the full picture


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Mary Hyatt Socials and WebsiteTRANSCRIPT

Hello, and a really warm welcome to this week's episode of the podcast. Thank you as always for listening and being in my amazing community. I appreciate you so, so very much because otherwise I'd just be recording these things and putting them out and like into the ether.So I really do appreciate you taking the time. I know your world is busy. And no doubt you are doing something while listening to this, the school run, a walk. I normally listen to stuff when I put my makeup on. Uh, so I do really appreciate you listening and being there. So this week we're going to be talking about staying in our own lanes.This is something that I think has helped me massively and something that I've had to learn to focus on over the years because it's so incredibly easy to get distracted. I can't even speak, get distracted by others, lose focus and become disheartened. So how do we do it? Like. You know, we know the phrase, stay in your own lane.We know what it means. It means focusing on your own stuff and not getting distracted and just keep driving forward. But how do we actually do it when we're in business? Because it's not, it's not a bad thing to know what others are doing. So sometimes it's helpful to have an idea of what a competitor's doing or, you know, they might have an interesting angle on something that you could offer a different angle on, and then that inspires you to do some content.So it's not like I'm saying don't ever look at competitors or people in your world, but how do we make sure that we don't spend way too much time? Now I am going to admit which I'm sure the rest of you can get on to someone's, you know, seeing something of someone's and then clicking through and clicking through and then getting on their website and then looking at this and then seeing this and that.And by the end of like the 10, 15 minutes, I've wind myself up into absolute stupor of like oh man. You know, they're doing everything and look at how they've achieved this and why have I not done that? So we need to make sure that we can focus on our own stuff. So the very first step of staying in your own lane is knowing what that lane is and where that lane is going.Because like you can't just sit and do your own work and focus on your own stuff without actually knowing what that lane looks like, because. How do you know? So for instance, one thing for me is I don't get jealous about people having YouTube channels or YouTube success, because that's not what I do.And therefore that doesn't even bother me. I don't look at it. I think maybe I should be doing YouTube or I should definitely do YouTube. I probably have had numerous different times in the past. God knows how many years, but. But now I know I'm focused enough as to where we're going. Now. It's not to say I won't ever do it.It's not to say that, you know, something might change, but I know that that is not my lane. That's not what I'm focused on. And therefore, I am not going to concern myself too greatly when I see someone having crazy, amazing success over that. So that's the first thing you need to know what that goal is, where you're heading, what you are doing, and what's important to you. Now, you know, and there's probably many podcasts you can go back to listen to.There's definitely goal setting podcasts, but you know, I'm big on this. And I talk about this a lot because it's so very important, but this year. At the beginning of this year, sorry. At the end of last year, I did an awful lot of sessions around helping and coaching people to create their own goals and plans and structure and visions and all of that great stuff.And I love it. I absolutely love it. And I stand by every single word I say about it. However I did it so much for other people that I didn't do it for me. And because obviously while I'm taking these workshops or I'm doing the VIP retreat or whatever it is I'm doing, I'm the one, you know, like creating that space to do the work.So even though there are points where everyone goes quiet and they do a bit of the work of their own goals or their own thinking. And then we all come back together to have conversations about, you know, what they've put and how we can help them and that sort of thing. I can't do that. While in that session, I can't be doing my own stuff.So I kept saying to myself, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. And previous years before COVID I went out to Nashville and I did it with the amazing Mary and Michael Hyatt. And. That was brilliant. But this year I was too late. So the event that I normally go to was on the week before we actually ended up being in Nashville.So Mary gave me a workbook to work through and stuff, which I tried to do on my own. It didn't quite work. Anyway, I ended up not doing it. I ended up having no goals for this year. End up having no vision. I end up having no direction. I knew what I needed to achieve in the first few months of this year, which was the brand, the website, moving over to ActiveCampaign, doing all this other stuff.But. I didn't set a goal for me. I didn't have any kind of focus and we got to May. And I literally was like, what, what am I doing? Where are we going? What am I focusing on? And I think it was a huge mistake I made. So I literally sat down on something like, and I joked with everybody like the 6th of May and wrote my year's goals.Um, Actually one of the things I'm doing as I'm recording this, it's the 13th of May. And the next thing I'm going to do today is after I finish my podcast, I'm going to create my vision board because I haven't done one. And, and I think that is huge. So for me, I have noticed a big difference in my focus and my energy and my, I guess, drive because I haven't had my lanes set out from day one and I won't be doing that again.And I have done it now. Make sure I've got everything in place for it. So that is super, super crazy important to have that goal to, and somewhere you're going to understand what your lane looks like. So the next thing, and this is really tricky. Okay. And I can give you a couple of tips of things that I do, but the next thing is to try not to look and compare yourself to others.They say comparison is the fith of joy. Is that what they say? If I just made that up? I think that's what they say. I like the they. I don't know who they are, but anyway. So, and it is comparison is just awful for a business owner. And I have dealt with it many times of myself. I've dealt with it many times of my members of them like coming to a coaching call going “This person they're you know, we started at the same time. And now their business is this and mine isn't and dah dah dah.” And it's just the worst thing you can do because it doesn't serve you. It doesn't do anything for you unless you're one of these people that is over competitive, it might drive you a little bit. But the truth is don't believe everything you see, and hear. Now we can make everything look amazing online. Course we can, we know how this looks, we know how it works. We know what an Instagram lifestyle looks like to a normal lifestyle. We totally can make everything look so good, but you don't know the reality behind the tool. So you don't know if someone's just. Like, let's say you are a social media manager and someone's just got an amazing contract with someone that actually they are not, uh, they, that wasn't a family member or someone they knew, or someone says I'm full.I've got no more work. Well, you don't know what they're charging for it. You know, they could be charging half the amount you've got, and that's why they're full. The same with how much money people earn. Yeah. Granted, they might give you a screenshot of their you know, PayPal or whatever. However, you don't know how much money they spent to get to that point.So, you're never going to know the truth because people are not honest enough. I did, um, and Instagram life while back, and I'm doing more of them, but I didn't want one a while back. And I admitted that it sounds like it was a dirty secret. I did a coaching call, not so long ago, that had four people on it.And I didn't want to talk about that. I didn't want to publicly say. I did a coaching call that only had four people on it. And I spoke to Mary about it and she was saying, you know, what was that coaching call like? I was like, well, I was flipping amazing. They had the best coaching call in their life. Because there were only four of them.And I literally went through each one of them and their business. And, you know, we focused a big chunk of time on their business each. It was a two hour call. So they probably had like, you know, half an hour each on their business with me, which ordinarily a one-to-one time with me is a lot of money. I said, so they had a brilliant call.I had a brilliant call because I'd love chatting with them and it didn't make any difference to me that there's only four of them. And she was like, so what was it? And I said, I think it must be my ego. My ego must've been like, well, I can't possibly put up, you know, a photo up of saying, oh look the four of us on the coaching call because people think, oh my God, is that it?And I know I've seen photos of other people's calls where there's been like a full zoom screen of all these faces. And it's like, yeah, but that kind of doesn't mean anything does it? It doesn't mean that it was better than what I did. It doesn't mean that they got more from it. It's just different. So I think not allowing ourselves to be. Sort of tainted by that. And it was funny. Cause while I was on this live, one of my other members who also has a membership said I did one the other day. It said I only had one person on it. And it's like, and you know what? That one person would have had the best time with you ever, like, why was so ashamed of admitting that we've only got one person on a coaching call or you launched something and only 10 people bought it or.You have only got five clients and you'd like seven, we're all on a journey. We're all trying to do stuff. We're all trying to, you know, make this work. So I think we should be thinking about celebrating everybody and trying to lift everybody up. Instead of watching those people who seem to be doing it crazily successfully.And they'll always tell you, of course they will. Um, and then thinking, oh, well I'm a complete failure. Like I said, you don't know what has gone into that. They could be working every hour of every single day before, you know. You might have had a lovely afternoon off with the family. You might have had a relaxing weekend, like I do in the garden and I could have spent it.I could have spent my entire weekend creating content, showing up, doing all this stuff, writing sales emails. But I choose not to. I choose to pass around in my garden and talk to my plants, like a crazy plant woman. Um, and that's important to me, but like I said, when it looks, when you look at other people and they've done this, that, and the other, you can go, oh, okay.One thing I had for a while was, um, quite a few people that I coached to a twos and obviously they were coming to me to be coached, you know, which was one thing. And those two, their memberships grew faster than mine ever has. And I used to really beat myself up about it. Cause I was like, well, I'm the one teaching them this stuff.So if I can do it for them, why the hell can I do it for myself? I'm going to have to remind myself there's two of them. So they can literally get double the amount of work done in the time. But then I have to remind myself that there's two of them, so they get half the amount of income. So even when you look at something wow that's amazing.Yeah. But they've got to split that two ways. So just, just try and think about that. So what do I do in terms of practical stuff? I mute people. I actually mute, like cause quite a lot people I don't mute a lot of people. I mute lots of people in my world because I don't want to see what they're doing because everything is so similar.And. And it's just, it's just not worth it. I just spend far too much energy and time on other people. I don't want to, I just want to spend time with my members and on my stuff and doing stuff I love. So I have muted some accounts that I don't want to see the content anymore, especially the accounts that like, and you know them, you've got them where they're constantly showing off, or they're constantly going to look at this.I'm so amazing and good on them. Brilliant. Well done. But also sometimes, you know, it's not the whole truth, so I've muted people off. Um, I've unfollowed people. If I felt that it's not in line with my values or me, or doesn't bring me good energy, I've asked people to stop sending me stuff. So I have some very lovely friends in this space and they will often go, did you see this. And I'll be like. No, because I muted that person and, and then the scandal starts and it's like, so now they know that I don't want to see it. And there's a reason I don't want to see it because I don't want to get involved. I just want to do my own thing. So, yeah, I think that for me is one of the most important things, because again, when I'm going online and we talk about this, when you do something like a morning routine, that you shouldn't look at your emails, or anything before your day starts. Because that can affect your mood. So let's just say you wake up this morning, you're feeling really good. I got this to do today. I'm working on my new thing. A new service that I'm going to talk about later in the week, and let's say, I don't know you as a social media manager, and you're gonna start doing things like power hours or content hours or whatever.And suddenly you go on Instagram and someone who's in your world who does what you do and you think does it slightly better or. It's slightly more successful, and suddenly announces to the world. I'm going to do content around people. What is the point in that? No, one's going to buy mine. No, one's going to look at me because they've done it.They stole the idea first. I'm useless. I should have done it quicker. I'd beat myself around the head and then your day is ruined. So that's why I mute some people off because you don't want to do that. You just want to, you know, people might buy from you because they love you. They might not buy from them because they don't like them.They might buy from them and then they might regret it and come to you or they might never come to you. And that's fine as well. So for me, it's about, like I said, taking everything with a pinch of salt because it's never the full picture. And then also, you know, doing what you can in terms of unfollowing and muting. You know, accounts or people that don't serve you. Next thing is to remember to rest. Okay. Remember that it's not all about work, work, work, work a little bit, like I said before, you know, someone's success that you can see might be at the detriment of their family or their health or their friends, or their relationships, their partners, you don't know that you don't know what's going on in their world.So when someone seems to be flying ahead of you, cause like how do they get all that stuff out? How do they do this? How do they do that? They could be working constantly. And I don't want you to fall into the trap of thinking. In order to do that, I've got to do the same. I've got to be hustling. I've got to be working every single hour of every single day.I want you to ask yourself, how can this be easy and fun? How can I do this? How can I create this life and do this job and make some money without it feeling hard and, and difficult and being unhappy. So remember that it's not just about going out there and working to try and catch them. It's not a race.The only person you're racing against is you, that is it. The only person who you should be looking at is where you were and where you've come, which brings me really nicely onto my last point about this, which is you need to celebrate every single win, no matter how small you think it is. The first 10 people on your email list.Yay. Cheers. Congratulate yourself, the first person to reply to an email, pat yourself on the back. I remember the first person to DM me that I didn't know. Oh my God. It was phenomenal. One of the things that my husband asks me all the time is if someone joins the membership, do you know them? And I get so excited.No, I don't. It's amazing. So again, when you see people celebrate all the big things that they celebrate online and publicly, and you think, oh my gosh, I'm nowhere near that. And then you feel like. Well, I can't celebrate that because that's just stupid or pathetic or whatever. Horrible things we tell ourselves. It is not like the fact that you even have a business means you are in the minority, like the fact that you even dead to do this, or even started it, or even thought about it and had the guts to do it means that already is something you should be celebrating and patting yourself on the back for every single day.So don't let seeing other people and what they're doing and what they achieved, stop you from feeling over the flipping moon about what you've done. And like I said, every single step of every single part of your journey, celebrate cheer, be amazed at it because they're all amazing. All of it, every single one.So there we go. Keep your head down, keep focused, know what you're working on, know what you're not working on. Remember that you are flipping rockstar and you can do this, you've got this and whatever they choose to do, you don't know the full details of it. They could have created something and be miserable.So you don't know that. Just keep your head down and get on with your own stuff. Okay. I will be back next week with a great conversation with the very lovely Jane Walters whom we are talking about money and money mindset and all of that good stuff. You know, I love that. So I will see you then.